


What is Left of Jason Todd (Discontinued)

by emotionalcello



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics), Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Under the Red Hood
Genre: Angst, Bruce tried, Dick just wanted his little wing, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Jason Todd Needs A Hug, M/M, Siblings, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Tim is salty and might be ooc lol sorry, We appreciate Jason's white streak in this house, i love Jaybird, i'm just a sap that way, kinda cannon but not really, there's gonna be a lot of feelings okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-05-29 00:54:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 39,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15061514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emotionalcello/pseuds/emotionalcello
Summary: What follows after Under The Red Hood (both the comic and the movie, I mixed it up)Jason lived, and up for revenge, for Batman and for the Joker. Since Batman wont kill for him, and refuse to kill the Joker for him, Jason decided to do it himself, and decide to play around for a little while just to taunt Batman and friends. With that, here Dick, just wanted to hug him.Jason is an angry vengeful lil buff kid, and Dick is gonna make everything okay with the power of persuasion, persistence, brotherly love, Alfred, F R I E N D S, and eventually, hugs and kisses.But those alone wont fix the things to come.Edit : this fic is discontinued, and i gave permission to everyone picking this up, or just take the idea. I gave permission to take this fic whole word for word, or heavily edit, this fic is up for grabss, have fun!





	1. Answers and Actions

**Author's Note:**

> This will be my first DC universe fanfic ever, since i've been falling out of love with the kpop world and found Jason motherfucking Todd. I have to be honest tho i love Jason first from the aesthetic of the design... Just... like this buff KID with edgy white streak on his hair, wearing this badass helmet, wearing leather jacket (my all time weakness), boots, then gun holder on the thigh, and armor inside of that jacket, and GUNS man... I just love seeing my boys with guns... 
> 
> and THEN I fell in love with his story... the dead and resurrected part, then being replaced, and just feeling of unloved and all and going solo and just being angst all over is just.... my lane.
> 
> Before reading, just want yall to know that I'm completely new to the fandom... my knowledge of these boys are from reading the Red Hood comics, screenshots from instagram, reading SuperSons, headcanons from Tumblr THAT ARE POSTED on Instagram (Which you'll see some of it i use.), watching some of the cartooned movies too...
> 
> VeRy sLoW bUrN
> 
> English is not my first language, but i tried, used gramarly, the free version so... theres gonn be grammar errors.
> 
> some cannon some not... probably OOC, i said probably cuz i tried to make them not... lol
> 
> Suicidal tendencies kinda
> 
> enjoy~~
> 
>  
> 
> p.s. I got a tumblr! [say helllo to me on tumblr!](https://emotionalcello-makefanfics.tumblr.com/) i shared a very nassssstyyyyy jaytim p*rn wink wink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason got the answer he didn't want from Bruce, and decides that he's not done. Dick knew about Jason a bit too late, and someone needs to be blamed.

 

Jason is limping his way around crime alley, finding a spot to hide from Batman. Pressing tightly at his open wound, if he let go, he’ll bleed out in 30 minutes. Right leg burned from the explosion, the free arm not holding his wound is most likely cracked when Jason landed on it, or maybe just swells and he’s being a little bitch about it.

 

His body says run, survive, lay low, but his mind says, god fucking dammit that fucking stubborn senile bat and his push and pull love games with that psycho sadist clown with a half-assed makeup job.

 

Dammit that stubborn old bat that somehow always have his ways. Damn it all! Damn himself for trying to pull off that game. Jason should’ve killed him, should’ve killed them both, should’ve killed them all and make the bomb bigger, end everything once and for all. Jason decides that the answer Jason manage to get from his once he thought was his father, that he’s not at all. He knew now that Jason’s life in Batman’s worth does not equal what Batman’s is for Jason.

 

Jason would’ve protected Bruce with his life, would’ve killed for him, because Bruce… saved him. Saved Jason from crime alley, saved Jason from becoming one of his parents, saved him from himself. Jason… loved him, like a parent he never had, give him something to live for, give him a family, only to be treated like something replaceable, to be forgotten.

 

His eyes stings, probably from the smoke. Water pouring down his cheeks, from the rain. The low whimper escaping his lips, from the pain whenever he takes a step. The quiver from his body is from the cold, and the wound, and the blood escaping his body, making him weak. He’s not fucking crying, he’s done with that.

 

Every step hurts his bones, every thought hurts his brain, and the more he remembered the deeper the pain that shoots through his heart.

 

Tired, body, mind and soul, and just to get to this point, just to be disappointed again in the answer he received. Jason smiled to himself, laughing eerily as mad sounding as that clown, he’s been in his head too long too much, like growing cancer in his memory. Every day the memory become vivid, and when he remembers the anger keeps on boiling.

 

Bruce didn’t kill Jason, so bent over not killing anyone, and Jason will make Bruce regret not killing him.

 

Who was that new Robin? Tim Drake, wasn’t it? Sounds fancy, a brand-new Robin, hope Bruce won’t mind him giving himself a test ride.

 

 

++++++++++++++

 

 

The Batcave is mostly quiet. The robins, including Bruce and Alfred, played a game, to sneak up on one another. No one knows who’s coming to the Batcave.

 

Dick loved that game, always manage to get a scare out of everyone, but not this time. He stomps, ragged breath since he’s broken all the traffic rules to get here asap. He’s not even bothered to put on his Nightwing getup, he saw the news and called Alfred. Asking if he’s fine, and boy does Dick had cared so much less about Bruce than what just Alfred breaks to him.

 

Spotting Batman in front of the Bat Computer with his cowl off and his back against him as his eyes nailed to the multiple screens in front of him.

 

Dick spun the bat around and slammed his hand on the side of the armrest, glaring down at the older man. His face wrinkled by time and the sleepless night basked in radiation from his computer.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me Jason is back,” Dick growled, low and quiet, and Bruce did not miss the poison in that tone, as much as it did, Bruce did not let the pain shows in his face.

 

“I don’t have time for that, he’s missing again, I have to track him down.” Bruce shoved Dick away, he tried to anyway, his ward’s hands still planted down the armrest, tighter now.

 

“I don’t want to hear that from you! How could you not tell me something as important as this!?”

 

Bruce did not say anything, with his signature brooding poker face he did not even wince, dare to not look away from his ward, like he’s done nothing wrong, and Dick hated that the most from his adoptive dad. What Bruce did was wrong, there is no saying otherwise and he knows it, and Dick knows he knows it, still, not one word said, and it frustrates the hell out of Dick.

 

“FUCK you Bruce!”

 

The voice raising from his eldest brighter child yet Bruce is not surprised. This is not the first time he saw Dick lost his temper, from different opinions, from his fault.

 

“Jason’s death was my fault, and I don’t blame you for blaming me, then and now.” Bruce explained, Dick just… did not take that shit, anymore, “I wanted to fix whatever it is my fault.”

 

“I didn’t blame you anymore! We had this conversation!” Dick still one arm across his chest and another pointing at Bruce’s brick face. “I’m sorry I blamed you, what happened with Jason is not your fault, and I knew you tried so hard to save him, I already apologized! The only thing that made me angry is you didn’t tell me right away when he died, and THEN you didn’t tell me right away when he comes back Bruce!”

 

Dick’s voice growing louder, “He means as much to as he is to you, did it not occur to your ‘great detective’ brain that I could’ve helped!” Dick pushed Bruce’s chair away.

 

The younger huffed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he tried to control his breathing, and his dad, saying nothing as he froze on his seat, he knows he’s wrong.

 

“When did you find him?” Dick finally says, eyes still on the ground.

 

“Two weeks ago.”

 

Two weeks ago… the word echoed in his brain, it’s been two weeks he didn’t know at all. His little wing is out there, alive, he could see him again. He could’ve met him sooner if Bruce just OUT WITH IT.

 

Without another word, Dick turns around and walk out of the dark depressing cave. The first thing he did was tell the rest of the batfam, if they haven’t known already. He told Barbara first, knowing she would be the most help in finding Jason.

 

He called Tim next, only to find out he already knew, the hard way.

 

 

+++++

 


	2. Brothers and Betrayals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim thinks Jason is not part of the family anymore, Dick can't say nothing to that. and Dick got curious takes a peek at what Jason looked like, and got some extra (painful) information.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what I'm doing with these chapters names.
> 
> omgg, Tim is so out of character.... just know that my knowledge of Tim Drake is VERRY limited.
> 
> WARNING, this chapter contains spoiler from Under The Red Hood Comics, because I put quotes from it here, because i really love that part and would not have it any other way, *Ahem* I'm unoriginal *Ahem*
> 
> You gotta know that i'm clashing so many cannon but not in the same universe stuff for dramatic purposes because i'm a hoe.

 

Tim is back at Wayne Manor, for now. Dick can’t decide what to feel when he sees Tim’s black, blue and red face laid on his bed, knowing it was Jason that did it. Of course, Dick would be angry, but he doesn’t understand why would he involve Tim in any of this? They haven’t met each other at all.

 

“So, he thinks I’m his replacement, seems like that’s my nickname now, so uncalled for. We beat each other up, he kept asking me what did I have that he doesn’t, which is like, cmon, everything.” Tim shrugged and rolled his eyes like it’s nothing, he can have that confident face, but Dick knows how much pain a single movement like that can affect that bruised body.

 

He really wanted to punch Jason in the face right now.

 

“He’s not being replaced, you’re not a…”

 

“I know, he’s just being salty, clearly he’s angry, waking up from the dead and all, I don’t blame him, doesn’t mean I forgave him though.”

 

Of course, Dick wouldn’t hold it against Tim if he holds that grudge, everyone bound to be pissed when someone popped out of nowhere and go mortal combat at you. Tim was about to rant some more about this beefy guy with a temper of a chihuahua, but one look on Dick’s face made him held the thought behind his teeth.

 

“I’ll make sure he’ll pay for that, after I find him… that implying if I could.” Dick looked down on his lap where his hands fiddle with each other.

 

Dick then look up from his lap, big glittery eyes onto Tim’s bedridden body, complete with the downturned eyebrows and a few strands of his wet hair draped perfectly over his face for the perfect sad puppy look. Tim then narrowed his eyes, Dick wanted something from him, and he did not know what Dick would’ve wanted from Tim in this state.

 

It didn’t take long though, Tim’s a detective for a reason.

 

“No.” then Tim looked somewhat angry, Dick did not predict that reaction.

 

“Please, Tim…” Dick pleaded, leaning forward to go closer, and Tim backed off, tearing a little part of Dick’s heart along with the gesture, “… I need all the help I can-” “Spare me, Dick.” Tim waved his bruised hand and winced, instant regret.

 

“Tell me one logical reason you or any of you actually want him back? He’s a murderer, he’s not one of us anymore—”

 

“Tim don’t say that…”

 

“And he did this to me! Yet none of you cared and forgive him anyway! You didn’t ‘avenge’ him like he wanted before, so why care about him now!” Tim now sitting up straight glaring at Dick’s stunned face, throwing his hands exasperatedly.

 

“You know why we didn’t kill, Tim, no matter what, doesn’t mean we mourn him any less, or love him any less.”

 

“You know what? I can see where his anger is coming from, you died in a hand of your arch nemesis only to come back and found that you’ve been replaced by a _better_ Robin.” Tim waved at himself, “And the killer still out there in the wild killing people while someone he thought as a dad kinda looked un-bothered. Him beating me up and going on a massacre shows that he lost it, too far gone, and I’ll be lying to say I’m not pissed you guys still forgive him even after all that shit.” Tim then raised his hand defensively, “Just sayin’.”

 

Dick pressed his lips, “I don’t forgive him, none of us forgive him for what he did to you, and you’re right he’s a criminal, the more reason we need him back, because no, I don’t agree that he’s too far gone part, and also because he was once a robin Tim…”

                                            

Tim still looked away, seemingly didn’t think Dick’s argument is something worth considering at all.

 

“And how he died… you know the story…” Of course Tim knew, Tim knew everything about Batman and his ‘close’ associates the first day he became Robin, digging up all their past just to know who’s he dealing with, a trait similar to Bruce.

 

Jason Todd, the second Robin, died in an explosion with his biological mother, that he was off to find, to only be ratted to the joker by her. His body was burned, and a few patches of his skin was burned till black. Limbs are torn from his torso, such as a few fingers, and an entire forearm. Postmortem said that he was beaten by a hard, sharp-edged object while he was still alive, causing a few cracked bones and severe brain trauma. They search the rubble and found a crowbar, with Jason’s blood still in it, the police filed it as one of the torture objects.

 

So many scar, and limbs were torn apart, the autopsy technicians did the best they can to stitch Jason together with all the parts they could find. Tim wonder how Jason got resurrected, with his limbs seemingly attached and working perfectly. Suddenly, Tim becomes curious, maybe he’ll ask the guy after they caught him.

 

“He’s falling into a dark time, I—I think it’s understandable? He’s my brother Tim, just like you are to me, and by God I will drag you back if you fall, no matter how deep and how far into despair.” Dick begged again after seeing Tim is still ignoring him, when actually Tim was thinking about Jason’s dead body. Wait, that sounds wrong. Whatever.

 

Taking in what Dick just said, Tim is at least a little persuaded, “Ugh, you sap… fine.” But we all know why Tim really want to find Jason, Tim’s just real curious, you know…for scientific reason.

 

Tim bracing himself to a loud cheer from Dick, a crushing hug on his sore body, but nothing.

 

He just sighed, relieved. “Thank you Tim, that means a lot to me.” Dick leaned forward, carefully wrapping the smaller frame into his arms, while Tim just complies and give his older brother an awkward tap on the back.

 

“It’s been so long since I saw you.” Dick said before pulling away with his signature bright smile, “I’m going to check on the chicken soup Alfred is making, and we’ll catch up!”

 

A split second before he turned around, Tim swear he saw Dick’s face fell into a tearful frown. Tim twists his lips at that. Is this wayward Robin really worth all that worry? Probably not. Dick is just being in a mother hen mode. Whatever, Tim will just play along.

 

 

++++++++

 

 

The Name of the Red Hood surfaced a few weeks after Dick started to track him down, which made Dick felt a little relieved. The thought that Jason died _again_ in the explosion is always a possibility, his body was never found, and Jason’s stat has been MIA.

 

Jason did good with laying low, completely disappearing under the radar of Oracle and Robin, the tech dudes that supposed to hack their ways and see everything to know everything. Well, it’s not that Dick didn’t expect it, Jason is a son of a bat after all.

 

That is until Red Hood begun to do some killing a few weeks after he disappeared.

 

Red Hood has been killing and has a specific target to do so. He spared those committing petty crimes like burglary, and hijack, killing only serial killers and rapists. The more Jason kills the deeper the frown on Bruce’s face, to think that one of his sons went as low as a criminal playing judge, a trait that Bruce hated the most in anyone playing hero.

 

Dick agreed with Bruce, he’s all about that morale but as a part-time police officer, Dick knew that people think of him as a hero. The victims from the dead criminals have expressed how relieved they were. Dick felt calmer that the kids he brought back to their parents didn’t have to fear that their kidnapper will comeback.

 

Everyone thinks of Jason as a criminal in this cave, they worked to find him to stop him from killing. Yet here Dick is, just wanted to meet him, just wanted to see his face. Dick hasn’t even seen his fucking face.

 

Curious, Dick invited himself over to the Batcave and hacks the Batcomputer, to see footages from Bruce’s build in cam on his cowl. Dick fast forward to the day of the bombing, said to be prepared by Jason himself. He found a footage and felt his body freeze when he saw Jason on the ground, bleeding, from a high up perspective.

 

Dick couldn’t believe how much he has grown… the body that was once skinny and toned now buff and beefy. His baby fat round face is now gone, exchanged with grimy skin hugging tightly to his jawline and cheekbones. His once black hair is now unruly, with a streak of white on his bangs.  If only he let go of his domino mask too… Dick wonders how much the look of his eyes has changed.

 

“ _Is that what you think this is about? Your letting me die? I don’t know what clouds your judgment worse. Your guilt or your antiquated sense of morality. Bruce, I forgive you for not saving me. But why… why on God’s earth… is he still alive?”_ in the recording, Jason opened the cupboard and reveal a tied-up Joker, and Dick didn’t know if it’s the effect from the recording, but Jason’s voice… hoarse and deep, filled with anger, hiding his cries.

 

“ _You don’t understand. I don’t think you’ve ever understood._ ” Bruce hissed.

 

“ _What? Your moral code just won’t allow for that? It’s too hard to ‘cross that line’?_ ”

 

“ _No. God Almighty no. It’d be too damn easy. I wanted him dead, maybe more than I’ve ever wanted anything. But if I do that, if I allow myself to go down into that place… I’ll never come back._ ”

 

Dick could hear the slight quiver in Bruce’s voice, and Dick knows how hard it must be, facing Jason like this, feeling like he failed his son, trying to explain what hurt you, but the other couldn’t understand, clouded by their own hurt.

 

“ _Why?_ ” Jason asked.

 

“ _What?”_

 

“ _Why do all the cub scouts in spandex always say that? ‘If I cross that line there’s no coming back.’. I’m not talking about killing Cobblepot and Scarecrow, or Clayface. Not Riddler or Dent… I’m talking about HIM. Just him…_ ” Jason pointed at the Joker on his side, laying there on top of the bombs like laying on a beach with a relaxed smile on his face.

 

“ _And doing it because…_ ” There’s a change of light in Jason’s expression, like the anger fell, the grit on his teeth finally relaxed, a voice like a barely noticeable whimper, “ _Because he took me away from you._ ”

 

Dick gasped, feeling a twinge in his chest.

 

“ _I’m can’t, I’m sorry, I just can’t._ ” Bruce said that to Jason’s face, and Dick could see the shift in his face.

 

Jason was wearing a mask, doesn’t mean it could hide anything. He twitched his lips, frowning deeper, and finally quiver. Shaking his head with gritted teeth, Jason didn’t say anything, and it was so painful to watch him struggle to keep it in.

 

There was a pregnant pause after Bruce said that stupid thing, which is Bruce just being him.

 

“ _Well, you won’t have a choice. This is it, this is a time you decide.”_ Jason’s voice filled with rage, he kicked a gun towards the bat, then grabbing Joker by the neck and pointed a gun at his green head.

 

“ _If you won’t kill this psychotic piece of filth… I will. You want to stop me? You’re going to have to kill me._ ”

 

A breath chocked on Dick’s throat, as his eyes widen at Jason’s words.

 

There’s stinging in his eyes, and a twinge on his chest when he sees drops of tears leaking out Jason’s mask.  Bruce kept telling him to stop, and Jason is having none of it, not hiding away the tears running down his face. Jason began counting down, and Dick clenched his fist.

 

What did Bruce do to get out of this? Jason lived, did he? This won’t be one of the big secrets he shamelessly hides behind him, is it? There are evidences that Red Hood is still around, there’s no way those were not Jason. No, Bruce won’t kill him.

 

He throws a Batarang, on Jason’s neck, making him he let go of the Joker, and again, everyone’s alive, ‘nobody wins’, just like the Joker said. Dick knew Jason is not dead but seeing him just laid there beside the explosives while the pool of his blood expands, god he wished he was there, he’ll pick Jason up and run. The Joker is pointing a gun at the bomb, about to trigger it, and Jason did not move at all.

 

And Bruce… Batman wanted to stop the Joker, but it’s too late. The bomb then disrupted the footage.

 

That did not make things better… that’s it, that’s the end. The explosion, with Jason right next to it. Did he survive? He must be, right? Red Hood is still on the loose. If Batman and Joker could survive that, that Jason must’ve too. There’s no body, and Dick chooses to believe that Jason has escaped that explosion.

 

Only after he assured himself, Dick could finally breathe.

 

God, Bruce handle that awfully bad, but again, there’s nothing Batman could’ve done. Jason had hoped for the impossible from Bruce, but then Dick tried to see it from Jason’s perspective. Jason knew nothing, and he came back, the one that killed _and_ tortured him is still alive when ‘his dad’ did nothing about it, and found another Robin, in his place.

 

Dick needs to find him, fast, and just explain everything. He knew Jason must’ve misunderstood the whole thing. He just needs to find him, talk to him, and dammit, bring him back home. Dick rewind the footage back to Jason holding the Joker at gunpoint.

 

He’s grown so tall, from the footage, he must’ve at least as tall as Bruce now, or more. He used to be short and just… smaller, he was a kid. The last time Dick saw him, he was a _kid_ , and all the sudden he just popped out of nowhere, and already an adult. Dick missed out all the things a big brother could’ve done to Jason.

 

Like, going through him through puberty, or… be his wingman for his first crush… pranking Bruce together even more, and celebrated his sweet 17, just some normal teenage stuff they could do, as normal as a vigilante teenager can. There are so many things Dick wanted to do with him, and so many things left unsaid.

 

Dick stepped back, staring at the screen where Jason pointed a gun at Bruce, and it felt like Dick was at the end of that barrel of the gun too. ‘I’m sorry, Jason’ the thought resonates within his head, and echoes, and echoes, and echoes until the waves hit his chest, pounding till it hurts.

 

“Master Dick, will you be sleeping over tonight?”

 

Dick knew the voice, but it caught him off guard anyway. It’s been a while since he saw Alfred, he missed the old man. Alfred turn his head to the screen when Dick didn’t respond.

 

“Master Jason has grown up, without us, I assume you have the same endearing thoughts?” Alfred hit the mark yet again, no surprise there.

 

Dick nods, and wobble towards his second father, tears away his domino mask, and reach out with both of his arms open. Alfred received the hug that came after that, Dick laid his head on the elder’s shoulder, hugging him tight, and a pair of hands rubbing soothing circles on his back. Dick stayed there for a while, trying to find warmth to cope with the whole Jason being alive again thing. It’s both so bizarre, yet so relieving.

 

He didn’t realize that he never really cope with Jason coming back. From the first day he confronted Bruce about Jason, he tried to find him almost instantly. Following dead leads, investigating criminals that could’ve been him, even going through abandoned buildings. He just wanted to see his face, and today, he thought he could finally saw what Jason really looked like under the helmet, but the kid has another domino mask.

 

“We’ll find him Master Dick, and when we do, I have a piece of my mind to say to him.”

 

Dick chuckled, “I bet you do.”

 

“And you don’t?”

 

“I do, but first…”

 

Dick pulled away, flashing his boyish charming smile, yet his downturned eyes never disappear “… just wanna hug’em”

 

Alfred scoffed, smiling at the grown man like he’s a boy that never grows up, “Of course you do.”

 

 

++++++

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you know I originally named this fic "The Disappearance of Jason Todd" and decided it was too Hatsune Miku....
> 
> lemme know what you think, I know i'm really unoriginal in plot and story, like canon stuff but not really canon, the only reason i'm posting this is just to practice writing and sharpen my words skillz... and I just really love Jason OkAyYyYyYyYyY...


	3. Someone and Something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason is on some side quests, the one that made him go back to his main quest.
> 
> (WARNING FUCKING WARNING : this chapter is why there's suicidal thoughts so TRIGGER WARNING)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you see the TRIGGER WARNING? I hope you do.

 

 

Fists meet fleshes, thrusting with all he has until their bodies become a bloody pulp. The rush of blood, his pumping veins, the heat, the excitement of a fight. The feeling of fighting for his life, fighting to beat some senseless guys to the ground, made him feel alive. He dodged their fist, and returns the one he takes with twice the strength.

 

He tracks them down and corners them like a helpless little rat. At the end of the barrel of his gun, is their perverted merciless eyes has now pleaded him to spare their lives, their pathetic, toxic of a life.

 

After he takes all the pleading, ever so lightly his finger pulled the trigger and the world is now with less vermin. You’re welcome by the way. Whether is the rush of action, or the feeling of just, Jason felt alive. Jason felt the life he has filled him back, but not yet the sense of purpose.

 

For now, he's doing something the bat can't do, nor the rest of their golden family pact in fact. No more playing saint, being a hero that plays by the rules, admitting what they do is good while they let these vermin alive. They fucking live in Gotham, the corrupted law Gotham, and they oh-so-trusting towards it and play by their rules. Jason calls bullshit.

 

The mafia boss that killed hundreds bailed with their pocket money. Sex offenders only sentenced to jail less than a year. Murderers only serve a few years before being released again. They live in a loop, a fucking loop of cat and mouse. They hunt them down and put them in a jail that’s so corrupt and loose that a few coins and acting could get them out again. And they never stopped, they never learned, the second chance part is bullshit. The same thing the big bad bat did to Joker, even after he took Jason away, Batman just can’t stop the game. Is that what Jason is? A pawn in his game?

 

The moment he got back and regain his sanity and mind, one thing has been on his mind, he wanted answers from the Batman, and he already got one. Jason meant nothing for Bruce. As soon as he's gone, he found someone new. Younger, smarter, tamer, that ass licking goody two shoes Robin. A new pawn.

 

But none of that now, he's tired of resenting things that he doesn't have anymore. The few weeks of staying low have been nothing but destructive. Jason is alone with his own mind, the memories that kept replaying over and over again made him sick, but he lets anger eating him up. With fury charger strength and mental, The Red Hood came back, ever more ruthless. Jason now started anew, now doing things his way, and it felt damn good.

 

Jason has intel of a serial arson he's been tracking for weeks. He's been burning down a few orphanage and private houses. First, it was something small, like a little explosion with no victim, then he grew some balls. Targeting commonplaces, then orphanages, gaining more victim in each experiment.

 

The perpetrator is still unknown, not even the police have any reliable information about them. Jason took to the streets, asking around the street rats and the food vendors, because none of the cameras catches his face. Jason did a sketch based on the information he gathered and listed a few critical points. Male, mid 40's, scrawny but with a suffocating straight back, round saggy face with glasses and a bald spot, a very Mormon lookin’ guy, and one info he gathered but not circled, pedophile type of guy.

 

Jason took a shot of a guess, it’s a face he has seen before. Thaine Debarros, this guy is his elementary school counselor. He recognized him like he just met the guy just yesterday, had a creepy vibe into him.

 

Was about to report the guy on the police, give GCPD his identity, and call it a day. That was until he burned an orphanage and Jason was there when everything is too late. Bodies were salvaged from what's left of the building. Small bodies in the hands of the firefighters, all black and dried up. Not one superhero showed up, not even Superman, or Batman, or any of those demigods. All the vigilantes on earth yet still it felt like it's not enough, and accidents still couldn't be prevented, and innocents became victims.

 

That's when Jason decides to take matters into his hands.        

 

Jason tracked the guy’s history, turns out he were not an orphan, originally. His parents were owners of an orphanage, and has accusations of laundering donation money, despite both of them being a member of the church and reportedly very religious. They died in a car ‘accident’ when the guy has reached a legal age. The burned orphanage was reportedly having issues with funding and under very low care despite the immense donation from the government and -ironically- Wayne Enterprise.

 

After a few calculations and checking all the orphanage with published issues about the same type of money laundering, Jason found one shelter/orphanage that he recognizes, since Jason’s been there. Ma Gunn’s Home for Wayward boys, and can confirm that it’s pretty fucked up there. The kid’s taken care of, oh sure, but not for the better but used to do Ma Gunn’s dirty work and they have to give profits of their stealing to Ma. Every child must give her their earnings for the day, no matter how they get it, Ma won’t care. Depends on how much you give her, the better your food, bed and even toys. No profit? You starve, and you slept on the cold floor.

 

Jason feels kinda relatable to burn the place down, doesn’t mean the kids came with the whole package.

 

Ma Gunn is in jail, the one running it now is his grandchild, Faye Gunn, same name, same resemblance, same business, feels like the old hag never left.

 

Red Hood came through the front door to talk to Faye Gunn, warning her about the lunatic with a fire. The place is within the radius of the targeted places, though Jason didn’t know which one is next, he warned this one first. Younger Faye doesn’t take any of that shit, and Jason ain’t taking any shit with Faye ain’t taking any of _his_ shit. So, Red Hood use force, and Faye put up a good fight with a mean looking knife.

 

“Faye, I swear to the universe beyond if you don’t quit it—” In the middle of their fight, the world just gotta jinx him… a motherfucking explosion somewhere in the building.

 

The flames went up quick, not as quick as Faye though. She bolted out as soon as her pair of legs could carry her outside, and a few children also escaped the burning building. A few children are still inside, and Red Hood go through the fire with the protection of his suit.

 

The last one is out, or so Jason thought. He heard a high-pitched scream from inside the building. A girl’s voice? As far as Jason remembered, this house only keeps boys. Well, he did just saw girls escaped too. As long as they’re crafty kids, doesn’t matter what their gender is for this business.

 

Jason takes one last fresh air-- Damn his leather jacket is not gonna survive this – and run in.

 

The voice came from upstairs, now it’s crying, “Little girl, where you at?! What room?!” Jason shouted to the smoke and got choked, bad idea. The stairs broke down in flames behind him, right in time when Jason hopped to the second floor, worse idea, but that never stopped him.

 

The girl didn’t reply and kept crying, oddly not coughing in the middle of the thick smoke. Jason followed the voice, the voice that grows thicker the closer it is, not a sound of a girl, but a woman.Jason knew this voice, he used to hear it every day.

 

He turned into one of the rooms and found a woman laid in the middle of the room surrounded by fire, and his predictions horrifyingly become true.

 

“Mom?” Jason whispered under his breath, no one could’ve heard it, but the woman looked up from her long hair, eyes lit up when they looked into each other’s eyes and she smiled so relieved.

 

“Jason?”

 

Jason knew it’s not real, his fucked-up head is replaying scenes again, but like always, he didn’t care. He had killed the Joker countless of times in his mind, it had felt good, just like how it feels hugging his mother right now. Her frame engulfed in his grown-up body, she’s a frail kind of skinny, that was the state Jason last saw her.

 

“What are you doing here? I… I feel so weak… I’m sorry Jason, go on now, you don’t need to help me, I can take care of myself.” She pushed him away, but Jason clung to both of her hands.

 

“No, let me take care of you, I like being with you.” He wished he could’ve said that more often.

 

His mind remembered every detail of her, everything is so vivid. Her pale slightly freckled sin, her chapped lips, her sunken eyes and the look of her dull colored eyes, even the marks on the back of his elbow.

 

“Mom, I thought I had shooed the last dealer.” Jason lets his voice broke.

 

“Please Jason, don’t do that, I need them, I can’t go on without them, I just can’t anymore—”

 

“Mom, stop, don’t stay that.”

 

“I’m not happy, I’m miserable, I’m useless… Such a useless wife, a useless mother, I couldn’t live anymore, I don’t want to… I DON’T WANT TO.”

 

“Shut Up! Don’t you dare leave me behind, I won’t forgive you!”

 

Jason held her hands tighter, his mother laying on his lap, pale and hollow eyes looking up to him. He thought he had forgotten those look in her eyes, now they came back to haunt him, just like the rest of the shit awful memories. This brings back so many unwanted memories. He would hold her like this too, crying and trying to slap her face awake, of course it’s useless. Not everyone can get back from the dead like he did.

 

Why? What’s the point of being dragged into the world of the living, only to find out that he’s completely alone?

 

“I won’t forgive you…”

 

The roof is falling apart, the fire growing in on them, Jason should really skedaddle from there, but he doesn’t want to. He should’ve stayed, shouldn’t have left her alone, if only he had watched her like a hawk, maybe she’s still alive, he would never need to wear those hideous scaly green speedo, and he would still be alive, with his mother.

 

Jason leaned down, kissing her on the temple, “I’m sorry, this son of yours is a failure since the day I failed to keep you alive."

 

He looked down at her face, for the first time she’s not sad, or crying, or shouting, or angry, she’s at peace. Who would’ve thought a dead body could look so beautifully peaceful, and ever so slightly Jason wondered if he would feel the same is he stayed dead.

 

He knew this is only an illusion, something his fucked up mind won’t let go. And he doesn’t want to let go.

 

He could hear the rubble on top of his head breaking, sawdust falling on them, but Jason still reluctant to let go.

 

Let it fall. Jason thought. He left her once, he will never leave her now, even when she’s not real.

 

The walls shake, and the ground beneath him started to crumble, yet Jason doesn’t have it in him to move.

 

He simply, didn’t want to.

 

He was tackled out of nowhere by a blur of blue and landed softly on the grassy land outside. The burning house is now in front of him, and instantly put down by the same blur that’s currently circling building with a white smoke and the fire rapidly decrease.

 

Dammit, it’s fucking Superman.

 

_Now_ , Jason skedaddle.

 

Jason only gets to think about running, because his human ass couldn’t outrun a fucking alien. The ‘S’ symbol staring at his face in the millisecond he turned around. Superman with his wide chest up front, floated in front of him.

 

“And where do you think you’re going Red Hood?” The man arched his perfect eyebrows.

 

“Um, running away?”

 

“Only criminals run away from me.”

 

“Yeah Duh.”

 

“I know it’s you Jason, you’re my best friend’s son, and Bruce’s been—”

 

Oh God, Superman is using his compassionate voice, it’s making Jason gag, “Shut your fucking trap beefy alien.” Jason pulls out his gun, aiming at Superman’s uninterested face, smug bulletproof bastard.

 

“I don’t want to know nor care whatever the bat is doing, or the rest of their kind, I’m not a Robin anymore, and I’m not his son, never was.”

 

“I know for a fact that’s not true, he’s been looking everywhere for you, let me take you to him, see for yourself.” Supes floating closer to him, carefully with that pitying face he’s making. Jason fucking hates it.

 

“You’re not gonna take me anywhere, _Clark_.”

 

Superman tainted his perfect face with a frown at the end of Jason’s gun, “What if I do anyway? How exactly are you gonna stop me?”

 

Jason glad he asked, he pulled the trigger, Superman didn’t dodge knowing it’ll bounce off his shoulder, it didn’t.

 

The bullet struck his shoulder, and the perfect hero falls, though still manage to land gracefully on the ground, feeling his throat closing in on him, and his strength nowhere to be found.

 

“The bat and the clown are not the only ones with a green rock.” Now it’s Jason that towers above Superman, he looked to the alien’s ear, and see Batman’s communicator.

 

“Seems like bats share his toy with you, tell him I said Fuck You.” Uncalled for, but Jason could justify anything he did to the bat right now.

 

“You’re not killing me? I thought you’re a criminal now.”

 

“Is that a dare?” Jason sang, mocking in his tone, and oh the brave and fearless Superman looked so troubled.

 

Jason rolled his eyes, “I’m not stupid Clark, or a narcissist, the whole justice league going to after my ass the moment I kill you. Because unlike me, you have friends.”

 

Jason tucked his gun on his thigh holster, Superman was about to say something to that but Jason beat him to it, “Besides, life for a life Supes, I may be a criminal but owing someone gives me bad vibes.”

 

“Then why didn’t you escape? Why are you staying there in the fire, the whole roof was about to hit you, could’ve killed you.”

 

Jason didn’t reply and left the alien there.

 

Walking away like a badass became desperate running, then desperate running became a staggered walk as he tried to control his breathing.

 

He knew crime alley like the back of his hand, he found a dark corner where he couldn’t be seen and slam his head against the wall. A method to snap out of it, not effective but it’s something. A few loud bangs before he finally slide’s down the grimy ground.

 

Jason lets everything sink in, staring down his lap, where her head laid down. The picture was crystal clear, the way her eyes looked directly at him yet not seeing him, never seeing anything again. Jason really think he wanted to go to her back there, he could touch her, lift her, but it felt like nothing. Jason is losing his mind, one of these days it’s going to be a lot more than just his mind. He swears if this goes on, his memories will be the death of him.

 

What a way to go. Letting the rage eat him up, let his vengeance took over him, let sadness keep the fire lit, and that’s exactly what he’s doing. But before he’s completely consumed, there’s a kill list needed to be checked.

 

Jason shook his head, standing right up before running again.

 

He has an arson to kill. Deadline: Tonight.

 

At the last of his kill list? The Joker himself.

 

 

++++++

 

 

There’s been a serial arson on the loose, the victims vary, from local families, orphanage, and apartments. There’s no face recognition, the man has been covering his face, no camera ever captured him, he’s been careful, hiding and slipping into the narrowest ways of Crime Alley.

 

That’s not the only problem, there’s been a series of constant assassination, death by bullets on their face. This one didn’t hide from the camera, Red Hood, always makes sure to turn his face to the nearest camera and flip them off.

 

Bruce turned paused the footage, massaging his head.

 

“Has one of you got any leads?”

 

Bruce turned around to his robins, Nightwing and Robin.

 

“That drug dealer was our lead, but he’s dead now, so none.” Tim shrugged, he has helped reluctantly, that’s all the help Dick could take from Tim, and he would take anything.

 

“Though we’ve narrowed down Red Hood’s targets to drug dealers, rapist, and serial killer. Red Hood’s area is not just Gotham, he’s been moving, and this world still got tons of those kinds of criminals.” Dick said.

 

“I’ve already got lists of those criminals under my radar, still, we won’t know his location if he didn’t take action, for now, we can’t do anything but wait.” Barbara chipped in from Bruce’s Computer, her face on one of the screens.

 

“What about your end Bruce?”

 

“I’ve asked Superman and Wonder Woman to keep an eye out.”

 

All three of them didn’t say anything, and Robin was there with mouth gaping open more than the others “I did not expect that of you.”

 

“What?” Batman curtly says.

 

“Asking for help.”

 

“I asked all of you for help, Jason is an active rampaging criminal who needs to be stopped.”

 

Now it’s Dick with his mouth hangs open. “Is that the only reason? Really?” he growled low, and Bruce notices the hint of anger in it.

 

“Is there any other reason more important?” Bruce deadpanned, and Dick couldn’t believe what Bruce just said.

 

A superman symbol popped into one of the screens, a call from him, Bruce didn’t hold a second picking it up.

 

“Batman?” his voice restraint, and there seems to be cackling on the background.

 

“Superman, report.”

 

“I found your Robin Batman, called me a beefy alien and shot me with a kryptonite bullet, not a completely pure one though, only slightly infused, not enough to kill me, but I can’t fly…” The man groans, “Help?”

 

“Where are you?”

 

“Um, I think this was an orphanage--- Ma… Gunn, Ward boys? The sign is burned.”

 

Batman activated the GPS in Superman’s communicator, and a map sprawled out on the screen and the Superman symbol blinked in one particular area.

 

“Ma Gunn’s Home for Wayward Boys. It’s the serial arson, he’s been targeting orphanages. Red Hood is going after him.” Said Barbara.

 

“We need to know who it is, asap, Nightwing go help Superman, give me the list of the suspects of the arson, Robin, we’re going to check the arson’s suspects, one by one, we need to find the culprit, before Red Hood does.”

 

In seconds they scramble. Nightwing taking the batwing, Robin hopped in with Batman to the Batmobile and Oracle logged off.

 

Try they might, but they’re just a tad bit too late.

 

There were 10 suspects, all over Gotham city, and the sun was creeping up the city line when they came up with nothing.

 

The news came back the next day, a middle-aged man named Thaine Debarros, shot to death in his own apartment. On the arson’s bed was a folder containing research about him. The file reveals the victim/criminal’s background, which leads to the serial arson that has been happening in the past year. Parts of the bomb used was also found in the apartment as well as a map marked with the culprit’s target.

 

None of them were from Batman’s list of suspects.

 

 

 

+++++++++++++

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well how's that..........


	4. Chase and Catch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason sees Nightwing, and Nightwing meets Red Hood.

 

Red Hood is in New York to bust Black Mask, due to rumors of him starting a new empire here, after Red Hood bust the one in Gotham. Now, Black Mask is back into hiding, that sneaky slippery emo skeleton man. Maybe Jason shouldn’t have used that bazooka, but that was hell damn fun. Another cartel is now busted with its people under arrest, a shit load of illegal weapons reduced to dust.

 

Maybe it’s the illegal bazooka, maybe it’s the size of his takedowns, he heard Nightwing is asking around about Red Hood. So now, it’s Jason that lay low that night, stripping off his Red Hood persona and went with Hobo fashion. New York is Nightwing’s town now since Bludhaven exploded, right in front of Jason and Bruce, the night Red Hood confronted Batman.

 

Back then, Jason realized it was unfair of him to make Batman choose between going to save Dick in the pulverized town, or deal with Red Hood. He guessed right, that Batman would choose to stop Red Hood than saving Dick, his golden child.

 

He wonders if Dick knew that… Jason scoffed, Dick would’ve understood, Batman could’ve let Dick died in his feet and Dick would’ve understood and held no grudges.

 

He brushed the thought aside, there’s no point in thinking about things that already happen.

 

Jason is squatting with other homeless he befriends, gives them something to eat, under the pretense that a rich bastard gave him a few bucks.

 

“Why you sharin’ with us kid?” Bucktooth Larry gave him a stink eye, with spoon sweeping the chowder into his mouth.

 

“Wasn’t about to, but this gonna rot tomorrow, and as far as I remember, none of us own a fridge.” Jason’s voice a bit muffled, by the thick scarf wrapped till his nose.

 

He serves Margarette the chowder in one of the steel cans, and the big ol’ friendly woman giggled a thank you and gave Jason a pinch on the cheek through the worn scarf.

 

It was just the three of them surrounding a fire blazed from an empty gallon. Larry and Margarette love to banter and Jason loves to listen in, finding peace in this corner of the street, it reminds him of his roots. It also served as a place away from his other life as Red Hood. Jason would laugh here and there, but tonight is not as loud as usual. Man, wait till Katie and Howard visits, should be any time by now.

 

Jason stayed longer than usual, because he’s ditching this town the next day. He needs to escape the town asap knowing that Nightwing is onto him.

 

It felt like the universe is listening in and giving him a middle finger. Jason’s feet were nailed to the ground, when he saw the signature suit. With that sinfully tight suit, with streaks of blue across his shoulders,

 

Nightwing.

 

He landed right in front of him across the bonfire and whipped his hair back. His sweat escaped the strands of his hair and the city lights made them sparkle. His perfect white teeth show up proudly as he smiled at them. Jason blamed it on the books he reads, that he sees everything about him in slow motion, seeing and describing every detail that is the beautiful Dick Grayson.

 

Universally beautiful by the way, people that don’t think Dick Grayson is beautiful is clearly not a sentient being.

 

Even after all these years, his silhouette is still the same.

 

“Hey guys! Weather’s getting cold, make sure you bundled up!” Nightwing opened his sack filled with warm thick clothes. The voice he had not hear for so long, made the air in his throat stopped.

 

Taking in a deep gasping cold stinking breath. He cannot believe that Nightwing, Dick Grayson, is less than a meter in front of him. Somehow the man is now shorter than him, but other than that, he’s still ever the same. The same smirk, the same personality, and the same tasteful body.

 

“Me?” Margarette’s shriek snapped Jason out of his trance, “I’m more worried about you honey, what are you wearing… hmm, not that I have any complaints about it.” Margarette said, the woman might be old, but likes she always said, age got nothing to do with noticing some good assets.

 

As much as Jason wanted to look up, he can’t, not if he doesn’t want to get sacked. Though his outfit is top notch professional hobo clothing, he hid his face behind a scarf, ski hat pulled down till his eyebrows tucking in his white strand of hair, and layers of layers of used clothes and jackets to hide his physique.

 

So, Jason peeked, just a little.

 

Nightwing smirked, even though wearing a domino mask, Jason knew his eyes would’ve given a playful glint, just like he always did, and Jason wonders if those eyes are still so peacefully blue on Jason’s funeral.

 

“Consider it a service for you.” Nightwing winked at her, and Margarette giggled.

 

“Stay warm guys!” He shouted before launching a grappling hook to one of the buildings.

 

That was when Jason could breathe again. Jason only now dared to look up, and he would be lying if the streak of blues soaring to the dark sky didn’t trigger some memories in him. Good, bad, and unforgettable ones.

 

Used to have a crush on the guy when Jason was still one of those hormonal teenagers. Used to look forward to spar with him. Used to talk about his favorite books. Used to have movie nights and filled that empty manor with laughs. Used to bake his favorite cookie with him too.

 

Memories start pouring in, just like when he emerged out of Lazarus Pit, he felt a rush of pain, and then he felt like a newborn baby. The memories are scarce, taking their time to slowly come back, and when they do, they haunt him like nightmares in daylight.

 

He remembered his parents, he remembered them leaving, he remembered stealing tires from the Batmobile changes his life, he remembered being able to study again, he remembered being happy, he remembered Dick Grayson’s smile.

 

Then he remembered being beaten by a crowbar, again and again and again and remembered that he could still face the Joker with such bravado because he believed that Batman would come and save him. He remembered seeing a bomb in a room he’s tied up in, his birth mother, that he tried so hard to find and ratted him out to the Joker, on the other end of the room crying. The time on the bomb counting down from, and he remembered giving up, accepting that it was his time, the flash of fear and his scream and then everything just stops… and then there’s nothing at all.

 

If only Jason could look into Dick’s eyes, he wanted to know his answers too. Wanted to know if he would say the same thing the bat did. Bruce might be his ‘dad’, but Dick was his best friend, a figure of a brother, a figure of safety.

 

Jason scoffed, of course the golden boy will say the same thing. Just like that Robin v.3, both of them are blood deep loyal to the bat. What did they have that Jason don’t? What’s the difference between them and Jason that made him so different? Other than everything. Jason snap his mind out, he has no time moping at them, he had beat Tim to the ground, he has heard answers from the bat, now that leaves Nightwing.

 

Richard Grayson was his brother, was his idol, was so sap about everything. If Dick was the same person before Jason died then only one thing he can do to punish him, is to ‘ignore’ him completely, and that’s exactly what he’s going to do.

 

 

+++++++

 

 

It’s easy to summon Nightwing. Kill a few, create a rampage, leaves behind trails in his city and here he is in his full glory, Nightwing. The man in blue streaks broke in through the window, the same window Red Hood just broke into. Meeting Nightwing was one of Jason’s plan, yet there’s one teeny tiny problem, the timing, and place. Jason wouldn’t think the man would find him first when he’s on a hunt himself.

 

There’s a pool of blood on Jason’s boots, hands holding a smoking gun and at the end of it, was a dead body of a man he’s been tracking for a few weeks.

 

“Well if it’s not Robin number 1, the original, the best, the golden robin.” Jason sang mockingly, while Nightwing just stood there, lips pressed tight into a thin line while hiding the rest of his emotions behind his domino mask, while Jason is hiding his behind a full-on helmet.

 

“Little wing.” Dick’s voice strained results of failing to stay calm, could be because the blood, could be just Dick being sap, could be the shock of someone dying in front of him, whatever it is Jason did not expect this reaction. Jason hated to hear that nickname now.

 

“I finally get to see you… I… You don’t have to disappear Jay, just come back with me for a little while.” Nope, not expecting that at all, all that weak-voiced shit, and Dick is stepping closer carefully like Jason is a wild animal.

 

“You think I care that you’re pushing me away, you’re still my little wing, you’re still our family.” Jason scoffed, starting to get pissed off.

 

“Stop with the mushy shit _Grayson_. Your family? If you meant the bat’s little cult then maybe daddy dearest didn’t tell you yet that I’m not your family anymore. So I ain’t your ‘Little wing’ anymore.” Jason spat.

 

Despite the white lens over his eyes, Jason could see Dick flinches at that.

 

“You’re making stuff up, he didn’t say that… I saw the recording when you're with Batman and Joker, I saw… I saw everything.” Dick’s voice sounded hurt, sound sympathizing, it’s everything Jason didn’t want.

 

“Then you should’ve known why I want nothing to do with your higher ground justice bullshit, because of your damn morals I was killed, and it seems like that moral meant more than my life.”

 

Dick was stunned, not knowing what’s the smart and convincing way to deny it. He can’t convince Jason it’s not what he just said it is, that Bruce’s way of justice is more important than Jason’s life because it is what it seems.

 

Dick wished he could see the face he’s making behind that helmet.

 

“Red man?” there’s a muffled voice behind one of the rooms, a small face peeking through one of the doors. Small dark eyes peeking down to the dead body in the middle of the living room. Red Hood sighed underneath the helmet now eyeing a confused Nightwing.

 

“Look dickie, as much as I want to banter, I’m on the clock here, so why don’t cha fly away now and let’s put another date for—oumf” Jason was cut short by a small thud against his body.

 

The kid from behind the room now hugging Jason’s leg, pressing his tear stained face on Jason’s blood-stained pants. Red Hood catches a light gasp from Nightwing, and Jason did too when he first saw the kid. The child on his legs is barely 10 years old, been missing for 3 months, scrawny and pale, making all the bruise in his body showing in much contrast.

 

Nightwing was eyeing the dead man on the floor then the kid again, it didn’t take the greatest detective’s ward too long to puzzle the pieces together.

 

“Is that--”

 

“Yup, this is Rolland, the guy’s the one that been kidnapping kids, though he’s not guilty of _all_ the kid’s filed on missing person, some of them are street kids, none in the missing kids file.” And boy does Jason knew that from experience. “Some he sold again though, and sometimes he did not kidnaps, he buys.” Then Jason got an idea.

 

Innocent victimized kids, Nightwing, he could spare some time to pull out some fun. “Kids, come out, it’s safe now.” Jason called out

 

And with that two more popped out hugging Jason’s legs and crying, it’s getting crowded around here for Jason’s liking.

 

“Let go now, this is Nightwing, he’ll get you to safety.”

 

The kids then scramble over to Nightwing’s legs and Jason felt a little bit more relieved, though not all of them left Jason’s side, one kid stuck around and look up from his reddish eyes.

 

“B-but what about Louise?”

 

“Louise?” Dick asked.

 

“His dealer, the one Rolland sold to and buys from, got a few child soldiers of his own, making these kids kidnap more kids, it’s fucked up all around, the evidence against Rolland and details of their operation are on the desk, for the police to collect.” Red hood nodded at the coffee table on their side, and there’s a folder with two faces clipped on the folder.

 

“I was about to call the police to collect the kids here, but since you’re here, you’ve lightened my workload.”, Red Hood tucked in his gun, and pat the kid’s head, “Let me go kid, I’ll finish Louise.”

 

Oh hell no, not under Nightwing’s watch this time.

 

“No, you’re not killing anymore under my—"

 

“Thank you.” The kid hugged Jason one last time before running over to Nightwing, not caring a little about what he just said and joined the others.

 

Poor dickie was confused, and Jason knows that’s the perfect cue.

 

“You’re still going to stop me Dickie bird? Take another look at these children, and tell them that what I did was wrong, that what I did means I’m going to jail and punishable by death, tell them that I can’t make the bad man that tortured them go away.”

 

“Huh?” one of the kids looked up to Nightwing, teary eyes and frowning, “But red man saved us, you can’t punish him!” another kid tugged on his suit, and Nightwing frowned at the helmet.

 

“You’re playing dirty, what you’re doing is still wrong Red Hood.”

 

“Yeah? Tell that to them! Tell that to the many more kids these guys would’ve abused and killed. I’m stopping them before it gets worse, before more will fall victim, and for them to sleep better at night knowing their offender is dead.”

 

Red Hood stepped over the window, and Nightwing hurries over to grab him by the jacket, until the kids hold them back. “No!” “Let him be!” “Don’t hurt the red man!”

 

“Kids, I’m not going to hurt him I promise I just—” Nightwing look up to the window, finding the man gone.

 

Oh, nuh uh, not a chance, he’s not letting him go this time. Dick could still stop him, the information is in that folder. There’s another tug on his suit and he looks down to 3 pairs of eyes looking up to him in determination.

 

“Please don’t punish the red man, he didn’t do anything wrong.” “We promise! H-He’s been good.”

 

There are anger and pity boiling at the same time in the pits of Dick’s heart. They can’t be more than 12 years old, not even borderline teenagers, they’re kids and yet they did this to them. They’re just _kids_ dammit. Years in this vigilante getup and he still can’t get used to seeing kids involved cases. At least it seems like it’s something he and Jason still have in common.

 

There’s still good in Jason, and no, he’s not too far gone or anything like that, he’s just lost… and alone, and drowning in hatred and vengeance, and Dick has been in this field long enough to know what those feelings could do to a man.

 

Dick look down at the kids clinging to his legs, “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna punish him, I just wanted to talk with my old friend.”

 

 

+++++

 

 

Well damn, the boy wonder did not give up a second, even after Jason pulled out his soft mushy stuff on him. The kids’ tears didn’t stop him, doesn’t mean it’ll stop Red Hood from doing his business.

 

Jason pulled the safety off, the barrel of his gun pointed at the man on the floor and currently pissing his pants. The man was the dealer of the previous man Jason just killed tonight, this was that Louise. A human merchant, well, one of the underlings anyway, he’s the next one to rise to the top when Red Hood killed the leader some nights ago. When he hears the human trafficking ring still working, Jason looked into it, and found this man running it.

 

The rest of the kids are still in this house somewhere. Nightwing really picked the worse night, Jason wanted to end this quick and easy since this will be the last side quest, he finally has enough goods to pursue his main objective, and Nightwing is not going to stop him.

 

“If you’re doing the same game as you pulled with Batman you know I’ll know what to do to stop you.” Nightwing hissed.

 

“Please! Nightwing please help me!” the man begged, yet none of them actually hear him.

 

“Don’t worry, I’m not in the mood.” The Red Hood shrugged and Nightwing didn’t know what that meant when Jason’s voice sounded soft. Them the bullet was fired and the man laid down.

 

Red Hood was then gone to the other room, leaving the mouth gaping Dick in the middle of the empty bedroom with a dead guy. Till finally, the situation sunk in, that Jason just shot a guy right in front of him.

 

“YOU asshole! I am not done with you!” Dick bolted out the corridor and heading downstairs where Red Hood is looking for something.

 

“Zip it bird brain, there are still kids here, they’re in the basement, wherever this basement is.” Nightwing switched an instant 180 degree and scan the area for a path downstairs.

 

Both of them split up, stepped on the ground, looking for different sounds, or a little crack on the floor, or a switch on the walls, checking under the carpets, for anything at all.

 

The floor was marbled, and there’s a teeny tiny crack peeking through one under the laundry machine. Nightwing drags away the carpet covering the concrete floor, and there are drag marks from the machine. He pushed the laundry machine away from the wall and there it is, a door on the ground.

 

Nightwing was about to open it and approach alone but think it might be too risky and turn around to catch Red Hood. “I found the way to the basement!”

 

When they open the handle, there’s a wooden stairway leading down to Satan's butthole, it’s dark and musty and smells nasty all over like every human secretion combined and—

 

“Dude, shut up, the fuck’s wrong with you?” Red Hood slap the black-haired man on the head.

 

“Oh, huh, I just said that out loud huh?”

 

“Yeah, no shit”

 

Dick pressed the back of his head where the Red Hood just touched, feeling warm by the playful gesture, which feels weird. The whole thing is weird, he was about to give Jason a big piece of his mind and was ready to drag him back in any way necessary, ANY. Now they’re looking for missing children like nothing at all, working together like they used to…

 

“Is there even a possibility anyone could live in this rancid place?” Nightwing sighed, not disgusted, but worried, they can’t see anything now, the place is still dark and emitting a horrifying aura of death.

 

“Well, we’ll find out soon enough.” Red had his finger on the light switch at the end of the stairs.

 

A light turned on, then followed by a couple of lights, revealing more and more space than just a small stinky basement, it’s a whole lair. Concrete walls with buckets filled with shit and piss on the corner and plates with crumbs on the other corner, the furthest part of the room were even more children, clothed with rags and worn clothes. There could be a couple of dozens here, or even more. The children were curled up against each other, shivering and crying with heartbreaking quiet sobs.

 

“Red Hood!” One of the cries, a little blonde girl run from her bundle and hugged Jason’s legs. Jason visible shivers, but he tried to mask it away, he tried.

 

“It’s okay now Sammie, we’ll find your parents, okay?” The little girl nods and takes Red Hood by the hand. Nightwing is already talking to the children one by one and leads them outside.

 

“Red, how come he kidnapped so many children and no one notices?” Nightwing demanded after getting the children out of the basement.

 

“Not all of them are from America, some are about to be sold, some to be shipped, these kids came from all over the globe.”

 

“The room was half empty does that mean there are more going to be shipped.” Nightwing grimaced.

 

“Yup, and already took care of it.” Red Hood shrugged, “Busted the one on the docks, that’s why they’re here, they’re about to be shipped when I’m not on their tail anymore.”

 

The sound of police siren mixed in with the cries of the children, some of them already busted out from the front door, hugging the police officers and cried in their different languages, all of them except one.

 

“Off ya go kid, the policeman will find your dad.” He said to the girl still attached to his legs.

 

Red Hood let go of her hand, but the kid didn’t let go of his. She looked up to the man’s scary helmet and sobs, the weakest “Thank you” before running with the other kids.

 

Not even a second pass and the helmet turned over the dumbfounded Nightwing, “Been fun, bye.”

 

“Whoa not so fast there.” Nightwing quickly grabbed the man’s wrist, and Red Hood twist free from the grip just as quick.

 

Red Hood should go, the police are coming, and Nightwing… existed.

 

“What do you want?” he spat.

 

Nightwing scoffed, offended, hurt, this is not how he imagined his first encounter with Jason would be, but then again, he did not imagine it would go smoothly either.

 

“I want you to stop acting like you didn’t know me! My brother is back and I just wanna talk dammit!”  he demanded, voice strained and angry. And everything Dick just said doesn’t sit well with Jason, from the voice, and the words.

 

“Jason is back, but your brother doesn’t.” Dick was about to say something about that before Jason cuts him, “I’m not in the family anymore, nor do I want to, and you…”

 

Jason stepped forward, leaning close as his helmet almost touched the tip of the elder’s nose. Towering higher than him, Jason looked down to the blue domino mask.

 

“…I don’t give a shit what you’re about to say, and I have nothing to do with you, not anymore.”

 

“NO! you don’t get to say that!” Nightwing shoved him forward, grabbing the leather jacket in his hands, Jason maybe taller than Dick now, but not stronger.

 

“You’re our family Jason, we love you, and I… you…” Dick faltered in his speech, not knowing what to say to get through him, “I know you’re mad at us” Dick started, as calm as he could, “But you can’t just expect us to change what has been our guide in life, our guidance in being the protector of this city, we can’t just decide what to do with human lives.”

 

Dick’s frustration made the man yanked back and forth, and Jason oddly comply. The tip of Dick’s nose edged almost touching Jason’s red chrome metal helmet, yet he didn’t say anything. How much Dick wanted to rip that helmet off…

 

“No, I don’t expect you to change, what’s done had been done…” Jason shoved him away, only because Dick let go, “… that’s why you can’t expect me to stay when I decide not to.”

 

Jason raised his hand, and Dick was instantly in position to block the oncoming hit. There wasn’t any, there’s a smoke bomb on Jason’s grasp. Dick reach out for him, but it was too late, the smoke blocked his vision, though Dick caught the edge of his jacket, Jason easily slipped away. And then Jason is gone, again.

 

“Who’s there!” one of the policemen walked into the house with a flashlight beamed through the smoke.

 

“Just me officer.” Nightwing, turned around, stepping out of the smoke.

 

“The man kidnaped these children is already dead, Red Hood killed him, and he also the one that freed the children.” Nightwing continued, then assisted the police in what happened from the file Jason gave and reported what just happened.

 

The kids are now in safe hands, on a bad note that Jason escaped his grasp. He just wanted to talk without the voice filter from that damn helmet and wanted to see his eyes… Dick just wanted to see his eyes, wondering if it’s still the same fiery blue.

 

Dick just wanted Jason in his life again.

 

 

++++++++++

 

 

Dick calls it a night. As much as he wanted to get off his tight suit and dive into bed, he just came back from Satan's butthole, so he’s gonna need that shower, damn, maybe a bath, with mixes of essential oils and a bath bomb.

 

The crime-fighting and dealing with the cops are a regular thing, but today he finally meets Jason within an arms length from him, and he let him go. To be able to feel the beating heart through the armor, and so easily let him go…

 

He fucking let him go again. His body had been in worse condition, and so does his mind, but still, the thought that he could’ve caught Jason never left his mind. So, a bath it is. All warm with sky blue bath bomb and jasmine essential oil. Dick let out a sigh when he sunk in till his neck, body saying fuck yeah and mind saying what the fuck just happens.

 

Jason was leaving trails, not knowing if he did it purposely or he’s getting sloppy, but Dick was thrilled to finally have a clue to Jason’s where being. He’s been on his tail for a couple of months, Jason has been all over America these past few weeks, but staying off Gotham, because of that, Bruce didn’t bother to look for Jason as long as Red Hood is not in Gotham. ‘Just let him be’ though Dick half agree with that, he just can’t help trying to find him just to say a few words, and so grateful that Oracle and Robin got his back on this. 

 

Dick had so many things to say, but when he finally has him in his clenched grasp, all the words scatter.

 

And now he’s gone again…

 

Dick sunk into the water till his lips are under and close his eyes, taking in the whiff of the jasmine scent.

 

Jason is gone again, but he’s still alive, Dick felt him, talked to him, get a taste of that personality again. Jason’s alive.

 

There’s stinging in his eyes yet his heart flutter, making him smile under the warm water. Jason is alive, and that’s enough for him. There’s no more point in continuing to try and pursuit Jason anymore. His little wing has grown up, whether he liked it or not, has grown taller than him, build a little bigger than him too. Maybe holding Jason down in one place is not a good idea, but he wouldn’t want him to disappear from Dick.

 

_‘—I have nothing to do with you—’_

 

Nope, Dick would never admit that. Jason might have felt that the family abandons him, or the family ended up will never count him in, but Dick will always see him as his little wing.

 

Jason may never want to see him again, but he bet, one day fate will definitely make them meet again. If not, then Dick would just find him again.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos or comments would be totes appreciated


	5. Dead and Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason got 'two' main quest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol sorry

 

 

Since trying to get Joker out of Arkham Asylum to deal with him is a flop, Jason tried a new strat, he’s coming to Arkham Asylum himself.

 

He’s done with the side quest, he’s done with trying to conquer all the drug rings too, he got the money he needed to get this done. Time for the main quest, killing the fucking clown that never left his mind. Time to eliminate him for good, and Jason just can’t wait. No more games.

 

He faked an id to be one of the officers, when he’s inside, he became one of the nurses that keep the criminals in high security fed, since most of them wear heightened straight jacket. It’s so easy to infiltrate when you have money, guess that’s why the Joker escaped so many times. Arkham Asylum can have the best and the strongest defense system and the beefiest guys holding the deadliest guns to guard the doors but with the right money, they crumble like sand castles.

 

When Jason set his mind onto something he will accomplish it. You can do everything if you just shut down your emotions and just do it.

 

Nodding to the guards standing on each side of the thick metal doors, they let Jason in with his nurse get up. Pushing in the medical carts filled with necessary tools to cram prisoners with some liquid food to make them live.

 

“Well well hello darling what do we have for today’s dinner? Did cha get that hot dog I requested??” The Joker sung, face as human as he can be without the overdrawn red lips.

 

The Joker looked up and recognized the frowning man looking down at him, squinting his eyes and puckering his lips.

 

“Oooooh! You’re a familiar face! So angry! But I can’t put my finger on it, refresh my mind wo--” The Joker did not get to finish his sentence, Jason has enough of that voice in his head.

 

His hand is quicker that Joker’s thought process. A bullet straight through the head has never sound so silent. When his body finally plopped to the padded floor, the subtle sound is like music to the ears. He’s smiling even in death, green hair soaked in red, and finally silence.

 

Jason has imagined this scene every day ever since he got his sanity back, well, whatever’s left of his sanity. Now the scene is real, right in front of him, so real to touch. It’s this easy, no more unnecessary death, no more games, Jason has avenged himself, and justice is served hot and right on a silver platter.

 

All those years of legally not existing, the madness of Lazarus pit, working under Talia to pay his debt for lessons from the best of the best, just so that he could come back and do this. It’s worth all his blood and tears, the exhaustion, the nightmares, the pain. It’s scary how right this feels, that Jason’s second life is leading to this as the final goal, yet at the same time he felt the rush of accomplishment.

 

_HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA YOU DID IT! YOU KILLED ME!! I WIN I WIN I WIN_ The voice in his head sung, he wanted to say he’s used to it but it would be a big fat rotten lie. Disappointed but not surprised.

 

_I might be dead! BUT YOU’LL NEVER FORGET ME, NONE OF YA!!! I’ll always be here forgotten robin~~ beatin’ you with my metal stick!!!_

 

Jason turned around, looking up to the corner of the room where the CCTV is, and smiled. He knew the batman is currently watching, or maybe have the footage on record if he’s not on that massive contraption he called the batcomputer.

 

He knew Batman has access to Arkham Asylum’s alarm at a press of a button, the only reason the guards are not tackling him to the ground right now is because Jason has hacked into the Asylum’s system and disconnect the bat’s system from the alarm, but not the camera, because Jason wanted them to see his final act.

 

_Batsie will be so disappointed in you, he’ll hate you now! He’s forever ruined because I ruined his robins HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHA_

 

The Joker’s face popped up in front of him, laughing his ass off, and the man danced around the room, around his body that’s literally bleeding on his feet. Jason knew a mental trauma when he has one, he knew that even killing Joker won't free him, but that is not why he went all the way to kill the madman. Killing the Joker is not for him, it’s for them, for all the victims he’ll make, for… for everyone.

 

He knew the Joker in his mind can never die, as long as he lives. Jason got that covered.

 

The end of the gun pressed closely under his jaw, Jason has a victory smile on his face, eyes still up on the camera on the ceiling.

 

_Whoa whoa whoa hey! What are you doing kid!_ The Joker in his head started to worry, which is a new tone for Jason.

 

Poor Joker thinking it’s about him and Bat, hell no, as much as he hated Joker, he still hated Batman more, the one person he had trusted with all his heart and failed him. Jason doesn’t care who wins in this fucked up affair between the Joker and Batman, all that matters is he had accomplished what his reborn life meant to do, avenge himself. He doesn’t need anyone.

 

Clearly, god, the universe, fucking life itself, whatever superficial being controlling everything, took pity this poor dead orphan and bring him back seeing justice has not prevailed in his sake. Or Jason was brought back to be the only sane and able people to kill one of the craziest lunatics to ever walk on this mortal land.

 

He’s done now, Joker’s dead and gone, and Jason got nothing else to do. He had sent his ongoing investigation into the hands of the Bats. No need to live any longer than this, because clearly, no one wanted him alive, and so does Jason himself.

 

Pulling the trigger has never felt this easy, Jason has a lot of practice after all.

 

 

++++++++

 

 

Tonight is a good night to do some late night hero time. Dick got out of his daytime cop job early just so that he could warm up and prep better. He felt great today and anticipate kicking some bad guys, and hey, maybe he’ll bump into Jason again. Arriving at his apartment, Dick sorts out a few mails, some of them are bills, and one brown envelope with no labels or where it’s from.

 

He opened it, and a case of CD flopped to his hand, on the glass casing, are two words written in red marker, RED HOOD.

 

Dick didn’t freeze for a second and bolted right to his computer, accessing the data in it. It’s filled with Red Hood’s targets, some already ‘Done’ and some still ‘Ongoing’. Leads, complete background of the suspects, who they work for, and the rumors of their location it’s all in there. Why would Jason send this to him? Dick grabbed his earpiece and connect to Barbara as soon as he can.

 

“You got the data too?” Babs Chimed in before Dick could say anything, “You too? What about Bruce?” Dick narrowed his eyes.

 

“I did too.” Bruce joined the connection.

 

“Same.” Tim chimed in from the Teen Tower, “I can’t track the source though, whoever does this seems to know us personally.”

 

Dick narrowed his eyes, “What? What do you mean by who? It’s from Jason, mine is from a CD with a writing, Red Hood.”

 

There’s a pregnant pause between the four of them before Tim burst it, “Well doesn’t explain why he graciously give this info to me. He’s been so expressive in telling how he hates me, save to say that he hates all of you too, then why the sudden charity?”

 

“These people rotate in human trafficking, child molester, corruption, drug rings, his usual targets, does this means he needs our help?” Said Batman.

 

“Guys… I got bad news, I’m connecting you to the Joker’s CCTV from Arkham Asylum.” Barbara’s voice sounds distressed and not even a second later, a footage popped out on everyone’s screen.

 

Batman didn’t say anything, but Tim cursed, and Dick gasped. The Joker is dead.

 

Laying on the padded floor as his blood soaks and spreads in it. There’s a definite hole on his smiling face. The perpetrator is in a nurse outfit, male, tall, and has his back against the camera, holding a gun with a silencer. Slowly turning back, facing the camera with that shit eating grin, was Jason, burning blue-green eyes piercing a hole through Dick’s skull.

 

“Is… Is that Jason…” Dick mumbled, this is the first time he completely sees Jason’s face. What had happened to him? What is he doing? Something feels wrong, he doesn’t like the expression Jason is showing right now… something is not right, Dick could feel it in the pit of his stomach.

 

“Holy shit… he really did it.” Tim half sang half awed, while the rest of them couldn’t say anything, not for long though, panic started when Jason pointed his gun under his jaw.

 

“Whoa!” Tim exclaimed, at a loss while Dick can’t relate.

 

“Bruce! Alert the Asylum!” Dick yelled.

 

“I already did, but I can’t connect to it.” Even Batman can’t hide the panic in his voice this time.

 

“Babs!”

 

“I’m having the same problem, it takes a few seconds before I could hack back to the system!”

 

“WE DON’T HAVE A FEW SECONDS”

 

Dick felt like his heart pounding like the hummingbird. He finally sees Jason’s face, saw him smiling again yet so sad, and his eyes that has changed staring right at him through the screen with so much hatred and resolution. It made Dick felt sick to his stomach. What made Jason become how he is now? Has he been hiding those eyes all these time behind that red helmet? Did Jason look at him the same way when they met?

 

Dick refuses to lose him like this, he didn’t want to lose Jason again. There has to be something he can do, something! Or if not him, maybe someone…

 

“Superman…” Dick whispered under his breath, he grabbed a communicator directly connected to the man from one of the hidden compartments of his desk.

 

“Superman! Please help! Jason is in Arkham Asylum in Joker’s cell and about to shoot himself please stop him!” Dick cried out desperately, hoping his super hearing will catch his desperate voice.

 

“Superman, PLEASE!” He cried out again, eyes still on the screen where Jason stares back at him.

 

Jason closes his eyes with a smile on his face, for once he looks so peaceful, before only slightly, Dick could see the hand around the handle tighten.

 

“No!” Dick presses his eyes shut, not wanting to see him die again, once is enough to haunt him at night.

 

There’s no sound in the footage, no sound from any of the other 3 people online with him. Dick bite his lip, trying to stay as quiet as he can while he cries. His heart is beating so loud, and the hands on his face shake furiously. He wobbled back till his back is flat against the wall, away from the screen and slouched to the floor and crouched into a ball, holding his shaking body.

 

He tried not to imagine the sound of the slight thud was Jason’s body hitting the padded ground.

 

 

 

 


	6. Home or Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alfred tries, Dick did too, things are just... too late.

_Jason closes his eyes with a smile on his face, for once he looks so peaceful, before only slightly, Dick could see the hand around the handle tighten._

_“No!” Dick presses his eyes shut, not wanting to see him die again, once is enough to haunt him at night._

_There’s no sound in the footage, no sound from any of the other 3 people online with him. Dick bite his lip, trying to stay as quiet as he can while he cries. His heart is beating so loud, and the hands on his face shake furiously. He wobbled back till his back is flat against the wall, away from the screen and slouched to the floor and crouched into a ball, holding his shaking body._

_He tried not to imagine the sound of the slight thud was Jason’s body hitting the padded ground._

 

 

 

“I got him.” the familiar voice got Dick staring back at the screen, he stood right up to see the screen closer, and almost wailed when he sees Superman with a passed-out Jason on his arms.

 

“I got him in time, I knock him out, but he should be fine.” Superman said to the empty air, knowing Dick is listening from somewhere.

 

“D-Did he… did he fired the gun?” Dick managed to say.

 

“He did, but I blocked it with my palm.” Superman raised his hands where there’s a flat bullet there.

 

Dick fell down to his knees, taking in a shaky breath and sighed in relieve, yet still in despair. Superman managed to block it, but Jason really fired his gun, he really meant it to happen. Jason really meant to shoot himself, he was that close to losing him again.

 

“We see you Superman” Bruce finally says, “Thank you, for saving him, please bring him back to me.” This time, his voice strained, before fading out, he’s offline.

 

Dick quickly jumped into his Nightwing suit, crime in New York can wait, all he wanted is just to see his Little Wing again.

 

 

+++++

 

 

Jason thought he would wake up in hell, but the comfortable bed under his aching body reminded him that Superman whacking him at the back of his head _did_ happen. _SHIT_. He’s still alive, never thought he would be expecting hell more than life, guess that’s the point Jason has reached.

 

It was dark when Jason opened his eyes, whatever the rest of the night is left anyway. There’s a digital clock on the nightstand beside him, blaring red numbers saying 05:39. He cursed when he recognizes the clock. It’s originally a simple black digital clock that he puts stickers on. Even though the plastic stickers have curled up on the edges and tinted yellow, it’s still working, and he’s at the damn Wayne Manor, inside his old room, wearing clothes that’s not his.

 

It felt like a blast to the past, he gotta give it to his third past dad, Alfred, for making his room did not change even a centimeter from the way he last remembers it. His favorite books are still rowed the way they are on his bookshelf, and his more frequent reads still under his bed.

 

Pictures still hung on the wall, of him, Bruce, Alfred, Barbara and even Dick Grayson when they all still all smiles. Pictures of him winning a science fair, sports championship, chess, and all of the trophies still so clean and kept well in the cupboards of his room.

 

“Huh, oh yeah, I did that huh?” Jason mumbled to himself.

 

He loved school, loved to study and read books. The first time he moved into the manor, he slept on the floor, because the bed is too soft and he couldn’t sleep. When he becomes Robin, he’s always dead tired and that’s how he got used to the bed.

 

Honestly? The best thing about being Bruce adoptive son was not the Robin gig, though it was pretty fun, but that’s not it, it was getting back to school again, and all the books on the Wayne Manor private library.

 

The children in his class would look up to him, show him some respect and space since he’s Wayne’s son. He hated the ass licking teacher, and the children that drag Bruce Wayne down, but Jason kept to himself. Those were the best days of his life.

 

To think that used to smile like that and live in this massive place.

 

Jason stood then in the middle of his gigantic room, looking around, It felt as if he never left at all.

 

Maybe he did die, maybe this is heaven?

 

Jason peeked behind the curtains and felt light blaring through the windows, the sun is rising on the cityline of Gotham. He remembered why he chooses this room now, this view. He would wake up in the morning with ease, looking forward to seeing this. To remind him that he’s here now, far far away from Gotham’s dark side, away from Crime Alley, now that he’s here playing good family with Dad, Dad 2.0 and a brother, going to school and serving justice. To remind him that he didn’t live in the dark anymore.

 

Turns out it’s just a momentary gig with a high price to pay.

 

Jason closed the curtain back, takes off whatever he’s wearing, and change to his gear that’s neatly folded at the other end of the bed.

 

Having all his armor worn, and helmet on his hand, Jason tried to figure a way out. Through the windows? No, Bruce put motion sensors there, and every window here have cages tucked into the walls so it’ll automatically close when someone temper with the windows. If Jason knew the most discreet way out, he couldn’t believe he’s going to do it, it would be through the front fucking gate.

 

He checked the doorknob, seeing through the keyhole, scanning it with the device in his palms if it has a system that locked him in. None. Well, that’s stupid, don’t care though, they’re a bunch of fools.

 

Walking down the corridor, Jason heard a distant clicking sound, and a smell of something familiar. No, he’s not gravitating towards it, he’s heading to the front door, and just happen to stumble upon the source of the smell. He hates how much the room brings back memories, but this one is a good one, he just wished that they stayed and comeback as much as the bad ones.

 

He knew full well it’s Alfred’s back from the obvious suit, stirring a pot of his delicious chicken soup, and on the island, if his memories are correct, are his all-time favorite mango pudding chilling there to harden.

 

“Would you like some breakfast Master Jason? You’re the only one in the house today, I could manage something quick.” The old man made Jason slightly stagger in his place. Hesitating whether to bolt or stay, then he thought _who am I kidding?_ Why was staying ever an option?

 

“ _No, I’m leaving._ ” “ _Yeah, that’ll be nice_ ” none of those words came out of his mouth.

 

The old man turned around to face Jason, face as smiling with a little pain hinted there. Jason couldn’t think it was possible, but the man has aged, and it shows in subtle changed, like the regression of his hairline, a few additions of fine lines on his face, and the ever more graying hair.

 

“Would you help me prepare lunch at least?” The man asked again when Jason didn’t reply to the last one, and this time, Jason found himself saying “Sure.” before he could stop himself.

 

He got his hand on that knife and chop up some cilantro. The sound of the food boiling and his knife gently landing on the cutting matt, Alfred’s silent presence on that brightly lit kitchen. Jason would be lying to himself if he didn’t enjoy this scene, which is exactly what he’s going to do.

 

_Why the fuck am I doing this crap?_ He exclaimed inside his head as he peeled the potato a little too deep. This is not Jason anymore, Alfred is not his anymore and Jason is not the ward of this house or even going to eat that delicious looking pudding and soup. _Dammit_. Jason almost lets that curse out loud, the frustration of his inner thoughts come out as abuse to the cutting mat, _unfortunately_.

 

“Could you please make some dough?” Alfred said when he notices Jason finished cutting the potatoes and put them in a pan to boil them.

 

_I think we’re done here Alfred, this is ridiculous_ “What kind of dough?” Jason walk towards one of the cabinets like the kitchen is still his own, and see the flours is still stored in the same place.

 

“For shepherd’s pie.”

 

“How many servings?”

 

“Depends, will you be joining us for dinner.”

 

Jason’s hand froze in place, taking in a deep breath, “No.”

 

“But I remember you loving my shepherd’s pie”

 

“Doesn’t fucking matter, I’m not your—” Jason whip around to bark the rest of his frustration before he found the butler already next to him, putting a calming hand on his shoulder.

 

The usually stoic butler looked at him like a broken child, looked as if Jason was about to leave, and he was, he _is_. Jason hated the look of pity, but Alfred’s is not showing that, he didn’t know what it is, Jason hates not knowing.

 

“Do you hate us Master Jason?” Alfred voiced soft and full of fondness, a voice that was never pointed to him, and Jason couldn’t take it anymore.

 

“I’m not your ‘Master’ anymore Alfred.” Jason stepped back, leaning away from the elder’s touch, “I’m done.” Jason mumbled to himself.

 

“Done with what?”

 

“Everything.” He hissed, “I’m done with this family, I’m done with avenging myself, and I’m done with revenge.”

 

“And done with life too?” Alfred hissed some truth there, one of the things Jason would never say out loud, even in his own mind, “If you think I’ll just let you leave this house to continue your suicidal behavior then you’re absolutely mistaken.” Alfred turn back to stoic, the tone of his voice means business, and Jason huffed.

 

“Why do you care anyway? I broke your sacred moral conduct, it was clear that I was not important enough in this family for you to do something about it, I get it, I’m not wanted here, and I don’t want to be here either, so no need to feel guilty, I’ll see myself out.” Jason was about to walk and leave before Alfred put a deathly grip on his wrist, enough to make his hand paled.

 

“I wanted that clown dead even more than you do Master Jason, God knows how much he has tortured this family, _my_ family.” Alfred growled the last words, eyes shut tight as he faced away, “Yes they did not avenge you, doesn’t mean we do not mourn you. Please know Master Jason, that you are loved, and breaking the moral conduct or any mistakes you did will not change our mind.”

 

It was like a checkmate for Jason. He doesn’t know how to deny that, he has to, he doesn’t want to believe that kind of shit. He told himself he’s done, he doesn’t want to admit it, to believe it, no fucking way. They’re all lying.

 

“You keep telling yourself that.” Jason smirked, trying to pull off one of his usual ones, not knowing it would be this difficult just to act indifferent.

 

Rushing steps growing closer, a blur of a person walking past the kitchen pass the door, Jason didn’t have to do a second guess to know who it is.

 

“Would you like some breakfast Master Dick?” Alfred called out.

 

“Yea! After I check on Jason!” the voice went quieter, the steps getting further.

 

Now Jason only has a few minutes before he could bolt out of there without facing Dick Grayson. Why was he afraid to meet them anyway? No, it’s not fear, he just doesn’t want to have anything to do with them, and he wants nothing to make them second guess himself, shit like this domestic play house Alfred dragged him to.

 

Alfred reaches out to Jason’s hand, slipping a piece of paper, “Entertain this old man to dinner sometime, would you? A break from washing all those bloody gears would be nice.”

 

Jason moves away yet again, a little further this time. “You’re playing dirty Alf.” Jason said with a tired smile, he really shouldn’t, “We’ll see.” Maybe Jason isn’t as head strong as he thinks he is, so much for a merciless outlaw.

 

Jason walks away, this time no one is stopping him. The gate is right there, and he knew it’ll trigger an alarm if he went through, but nothing could stop him now from leaving this goddamn place.

 

“Jay?”

 

_Goddammit_.

 

Jason pressed his eyes, taking a very deep breath as he loosens his grip from the front door. He knows this voice, it’s from the clingiest person he has ever unfortunately known. He barely escapes Alfred’s guilt trip, how will he escape the guilt trip of this pretty boy?

 

Jason tried to not think how Dick’s downturned eyebrows looked like a kicked puppy. It’s pretty easy, Dick’s face turned upside down as he marched towards him and land a good knee on his stomach. Jason let out a hard ‘ouf’, and almost fall down to his knee, almost.

 

“That’s for beating up Ti—Robin!” he barks, and then land another punch on the face, Jason would’ve dodged that if he’s not so at loss, he blames Alfred for pre-softening him, “And THAT’S for trying to kill yourself!”

 

Jason is wary of the next one, ready to fight or run or anything, do anything Jason… and he was about to, but quickly at a loss when he found his former brother leaned his head on his shoulder and holding onto his gloved fingers. This is weird, both the gesture because it’s sudden and because Dick Clingy Grayson is a hugger by nature, unless he knew…

 

“I really wanted to hug you but I know you don’t like it.” Yeah, it made him claustrophobic, what he didn’t expect was Dick knowing that. Maybe he gave it away when the kids literally tied both his legs with their noodle arms.

 

“And what’s this for?” Jason tried to lean away from Dick, tried.

 

“For coming back, welcome back.” Dick sounded so happy, and Jason could feel his cheeks on his shoulder contracts when he’s smiling.

 

Jason scowled, “I’m not back, ever. I’m leaving.” Jason yank away his hand and move away, he did a lot of those today, but Dick didn’t let go.

 

“Please don’t go Jason, promised me at least you’ll live.”

 

“You don’t get to tell me about my life Dick.”

 

“Well your life is important to me!” Dick yells, desperately as he still clung to Jason’s finger.

 

Dick was about to beg, until he finally looks up to Jason, eyes staring down at him in fury. Jason saw the hitched breath when he looks down into Dick’s face, eye to eye, and felt himself completely vulnerable.

 

Jason blamed it on the lack of his mask, he felt safe when he wears them, knowing that they’ll never know what face he’s making. Jason blamed it at the sudden realization, that now he’s taller than Dick, buffer, surprised how long time has really passed by. Jason blamed on those calm blue eyes that sparkle as water build up on it, he has never seen him that sad, and that look is for Jason.

 

“I would never forgive myself if you died again, not when I finally have you here with me.” His voice weak as he hides the whimper on his throat, making Jason freeze in place.

 

“I’m not _here_ with you, you’re digging your hands on my arms.”

 

With that Dick loosened his hands, biting his lip as he felt guilty, “I know that keeping you here won’t change your mind, I just…” Dick pressed his eyes, “Jay, I wished I could help you.”

 

Jason shrugged his arms away, but Dick didn’t let go, “It’s a little too late for that Dickie.”

 

“I know… I know… and that’s on me.”

 

“I don’t want you to hate me, but please don’t go.” Dick plead one last time before he carefully let Jason go.

 

Jason took no time to turn around and walk away, and then he runs like his life is on the line.

 

_Don’t look back, don’t you dare look back, this is not yours anymore, those memories, that room, the smell of Alfred’s cooking, the hand that held you back, don’t let them hold you back, it shouldn’t. You can do alone, you have been for three-quarter of your life, and all that white picket fence shit is just a phase._

 

“I’ll wait Jay! I don’t care how long, as long as you’ll come back! Jason!” Dick yelled out and receive no answer.

 

With helmet on, Jason already disappeared behind the woods.

 

 

++++++++++++

 


	7. Regrets and Resolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce knows Jason is no longer in the manor, and he wanted to know why these people let him walked out of the door like your regular walk in the park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting to think that all of this is so shit... but then again i started this fic not to aim to make it the best i can... but just to express my love for the character...
> 
> that made me feel better.... :"D

 

 

“Jason left.” Bruce stated, of course nothing would escape The Batman’s eyes. The man is still in his suit, must have left in the middle his ‘pretend meeting’ from his slightly ragged breath.

 

Bruce rushed to the manor the second the alarm triggered from the front door, and saw from one of the CCTV that Jason walked out.

 

“Yup.” Dick sighed into his bacon, and Alfred prepared a plate for Bruce as soon as he sees him.

 

“You let him go.” Bruce sounds accusing.

 

“He did,” Barbara wheeled in, from behind Bruce, taking a fresh toast. “So does Alfred, they talked a few minutes, Jason even helped him with the soup.” Dick raised an eyebrow at her, holding back a smile and Barbara just eyed him knowingly.

 

She knows that much yet didn’t do anything, at least Barbara is at the same page as him too.

 

“And both of you decide that it’s a good idea to leave a suicidal person out of sight.”

 

“Forcing him here is not a good idea either, since the reason he wanted to die is _us_.” Dick pointed.

 

Which is not a bad point, that’s why none of them chirp another argument, and Bruce did what he does when things don’t go his way, he broods, as his mind tried to think of a way to get it back the way he wanted.

 

“He’ll come back when he’s ready Bruce.” Babs chipped in when she saw that look on Bruce’s face.

 

“Are you sure about that?” Tim stepped in with a glass of empty cup on his hand, going straight to the coffee machine, clearly haven’t slept today, or he won’t be here this early in the day.

 

“He was this close to killing himself, what made you all sure that he won’t do that again now that he’s alone.” Tim continued.

 

“He won’t.” Alfred stepped in, “I talked to the boy, I looked into his eyes, as dramatic and sap this might sound, but I see the boy is no longer the same one with a gun on his jaw. Though that’s not a reliable hard fact, and I do have my own doubts, let’s believe that this is better than force him to stay in a place that he clearly didn’t want.”

 

No one piped a sound, of course, except for Bruce.

 

“I hope you’re right.” Bruce finally gives up, now taking a seat, “But the second he kills, I want him contained.”

 

“Contained.” Dick scoffed, glaring at his food, “Like some kind of animal.”

 

“He’s dangerous Dick, yes, he fights crimes like we do, but he’s playing God, he kills, and I can’t let that happen in my city.” Bruce’s voice low as he growls, eyeing his oldest adoptive son.

 

Dick met those eyes, “I know that, dammit… I know.” He hissed.

 

Tim banged his filled cup on the table before he sits, and slumps, glaring at the light, seemingly pissed at something, like he always is whenever he hadn’t slept, “You got something to say then say it Dick.” Time groaned.

 

Dick clenched his fist, “Jason is not a faulty Bruce.” His calm blue eyes now burned with fury as they met Bruce’s, “Jason is my brother, your son, and you treat him like a stain in your perfect crime-fighting gang!”

 

Tim’s mouth hangs open, as Dick, the golden child, Dick ‘Bruce knows best’ Grayson, raise a voice to Bruce himself. Barbara and Alfred didn’t say anything, continuing what they’re doing, assuming they agree with Dick. Oh, and Bruce did not appreciate that.

 

“I never said that Dick.”

 

“No, but you act like it!”

 

“Am I wrong to think that what Jason is doing needed to be stopped.”

 

“No, but you talked about him like he’s not your son anymore, and I have a problem with that!”

 

“Again, I never said that Dick,” Bruce add more pressure in his growl, “He’s my son, and I’ll give anything to undo what I did wrong to him, but,” the last words made Dick cringe internally, “We can’t unsee the wrong he’s doing now, the lives he takes, and he is only one life among the many he killed. Not to mention—”

 

The rest of his words blurred in Dick’s ear, as he processed Bruce words. No there’s nothing wrong with Bruce just said, but they made Dick realized something an understanding towards—

 

“Dick?” Bruce called him, and Dick snapped out, looking at Barbara and see her eying him knowingly. She realized it too.

 

“He digs himself out…” Dick mumbled, exasperated, “He has gone through so much shit, what he did was wrong, but he’s not evil dammit, he killed criminals, can you just count that difference for your son.”

 

“Wait, hold on a second.” Babs raised her hand, “Jason dig himself out of the grave?”

 

“That couldn’t be confirmed,” Bruce answered.

 

“It’s the only possibility.” Tim adds in, “There’re holes in the coffin, it’s possible that the cemetery workers didn’t want to be involved and cover the hole back when they found it.”

 

Tim shouldn’t have known about the state of Jason’s coffin, but he promised Dick he’d looked into Jason, and Tim looked into everything, including the ones Bruce is hiding, how else would Dick knew about it? Bruce didn’t like that, but he let that go.

 

“But that should’ve triggered the alarm I put.” Bruce said instead.

 

“The alarm only triggered if someone breaks in from the outside, not if they break out from the inside”

 

With that, everyone couldn’t say a word. Bruce didn’t even move his stone face, but Dick knew he’s feeling terrible about that. See? Bruce is not completely heartless, he just… has his priorities wrong. It’s priorities that Jason didn’t agree with. Bruce put the life of the people of Gotham first, even the crooks, over Jason’s, at least that’s what it seems.

 

“I need to cool off… see you at patrol.” He said to Bruce, less hostile and weaker this time, not bothering to see him in the eye.

 

Dick walk away to the open roof, taking a deep breath of air, sitting there and let his mind think. All this time Dick has always been agreed with Bruce, that they have the same morals, the same compass of justice, the same heart. He knew now it’s not true.

 

Dick knows why Jason has been so upset, he knows why his voice quiver in that recording when he hears Bruce talking. Jason would do anything for Bruce, but Bruce does not value Jason’s life the same. It’s not that Dick disagrees with Bruce on this, that yes, all lives are equal, Jason’s is only one of many, but… but nothing.

 

Jason’s life does not equal everyone else’s. Jason is Bruce’s son, Alfred’s son as well, Dick’s best friend, as well as Bab’s, a teen titan. Jason, just like Dick, wiggled and struggled for Bruce’s approval despite their differences.

 

Jason demanded that love from Bruce, from all of them, wanted them to kill for Jason as a worth of his life, and he got nothing.

 

With that realization, Dick felt his heart winced, torn again between what’s right. He’s no better than Bruce, he wouldn’t be able to fulfill Jason’s expectations to kill.

 

He just hoped Jason always remembered what he said to him, because he meant it. Wherever he is out there, Dick just hoped Jason remembered that there’s someone still wanted him to live.

 

“Hey” Barbara popped in, her red hair blown by the wind, making her smile all beautiful with the blue sky as her background, and Dick smiled back at her.

 

She positioned her wheelchair beside the unmoving Dick that sits by the hot cement floor, and let the silence comfortably stretch, just a few more seconds.

 

“Do you think we’re doing the right thing?” Dick finally said.

 

“We?”

 

“Me, Alfred, and I assume you agree on letting him go too.”

 

Barbara pressed her rosy lips, looked fondly at Dick and place a comforting hand on his shoulder.

 

“I don’t think there’s a right thing to do, there’s only the best thing we can possibly think of, and I do agree, Jason needed space.” She looked up to the sky, she'd be lying if she said she didn’t miss her Batgirl days, “It was cute seeing him help Alfred, and broke my heart when I see Alf desperately tried to hold Jason back, but I think it’s working, Alf got his ways with his ‘fatherness’ after all.”

 

Dick scoffed, guess Barbara either set her own cameras there, or hacked into the Batcomputer’s system, “That means you saw me try too?”

 

“Yup. He’s taller than you, he used to look like such a twerp.”

 

Dick let out a weak airy chuckle to that, “Yeah… He grows up.”

 

The silence made their presence again, now Dick have his head on Barbara’s armchair. Her hands massaging his scalp, ruffling his lock of hair.

 

“He’ll live Dick.”

 

“I hope so.” Dick kneel and hug her tight, she wraps him back, rubbing his back to comfort him.

 

Dick have his head nestled in her shoulder, taking in the smell of calming vanilla of her hair, and she leaned her head on top of his.

 

Bruce used to do this when Dick was still a child _and_ to Jason too until Jason was too old to accept it. Babs loves hugs too, and Dick did this to Jason too… back then when the nights were filled with nightmares, or bad patrol day.

 

Dick regretted the day Jason push him away he didn’t pull back. Jason gradually keeps to himself, and Dick decided that maybe he needed that space, being a hormonal teenager and maybe has a couple of phases going on.

 

He just hoped giving Jason space this time won’t be something he regretted.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos or comments filled my tummy.
> 
> and sorry i think the updates for this fic is gonna slow down since i'm starting like this short story challenge series "Do You Love Me?" where i deadass write anything that crossed my mind at all, and make various love confession with all the ship i'm currently obsessed about, so i can V E N T all my fangirl energy...


	8. Gargoyle and Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lost and not found.

 

 

Lost will be an understatement for Jason’s state. Jason didn’t plan to live this long, for once, he didn’t have a plan this time.

 

Jason wanted to pick up Red Hood’s identity, away from Gotham, get back into the action, save people his way, to bring his sanity back.

 

But he already gives all his side quests to the bat, so there’s no on-going case on his hands. It’s not that he feels insecure about his skills, but he’s realistic now that Batman is warier of his presence, Jason will be caught the next time he moves. He knows they got Superman into this, best believe his ass will be caught before he could blink. And he won’t believe he’ll escape the Wayne Manor a second time.

 

Is that what’s he’s really doing? Leave it to the bat cult and other littered superhero franchise? They can save all the people they want, but they’ll never truly save them.

 

Just like all those kids Jason saved, he can’t save them to the lives that will come to them. Jason was one of the lucky street rats, that Bruce Wayne took him in back then, but what about those other kids? The kids less lucky than Jason Todd, or Dick Grayson. Batman saved people from death, they all saved people from death, not from their toxic, hellish, lives.

 

Just like how Batman couldn’t have saved him from his fate and the demons that latched onto his back.

 

Jason doesn’t want to remember anymore. He doesn’t want to remember things that have already passed, or things that are no longer his. You lose something? You compensate and move the fuck on.

 

He searches for that feeling, to live. Beating the punch sack till his knuckles bleed. Jason worked himself out till he passes out. He drank himself to death while cooped up in one of his save house, and decided it felt like hell, and Jason has enough of hell already. When that doesn’t work, Jason bakes, and bakes and bakes until his kitchen is filled with trays of brownies, and batches of cupcakes, where he finally gave it all away to the homeless in the next alley.

 

Jason is lost, yes, and also, empty. So, he tries again, holding his old buddy revolver up his jaw.

 

He was sitting beside his old friend, the gargoyle that never seems to change in over the years, leaning his head to it’s eternally slumped shoulder. Its wings spread behind Jason like a hood of protection and they both staring down at Gotham city. The gloom around the city blurred the thousands of lights, it was a pretty sight.

 

It’s was a perfect scene, a perfect ending.

 

Yet somehow his hand is not as brave as it was at Arkham Asylum. His index finger felt weaker, the trigger felt sturdier, and his hands tremble. What changed? Jason asked himself, and he assesses all possible things that might’ve made him such a coward.

 

_“Entertain this old man to dinner sometime, would you?”_

 

Jason told himself that he’s done, that he’s not part of them anymore. Jason is above that ‘living for the sake of someone’ shit. He lives for himself, he wanted to follow Batman? He did. He wanted to kill the Joker? He did. He wanted to shoot his fucking brains off? If he wanted it, he will.

 

Jason lives and dies for himself.

 

_“Well your life is important to me!”_

 

Yet the words ring inside his head, messing up his brain, making him weak. He told himself that no one can tell him what to do anymore, that he has no attachment to anyone anymore. He can tell himself that over and over again, yet the reality is, he was changed. Reality is, he can’t pull the trigger anymore, and that fucking sucks.

 

Jason put the gun on his lap, his head hit the gargoyle shoulder and leave a soft thump. He presses his eyes, leaning forward onto the cold inanimate object.

 

“Someday but not today garg. I promise you, someday, but not today.”

 

With a slow sigh of a breath, Jason stood up and felt his body so light that the wind could push him from the building. He looked down at his friend, and smile, nods his head at it to bid goodbye. Now staring down at the buildings below, it’s been so long since he done this.

 

Stepping just at the edge of the roof, he leaned forward, letting his body falls in the mercy of gravity, letting the lights come near. He used to deny it, but now he let himself admit it, that he misses this feeling. The air passing his face, his body feeling light, like soaring, like a robin flying.

 

He grapples when he’s halfway to the ground, feeling the leap in his heart when his body soars to the dim sky.

 

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

 

Further away from where Jason fall, a flying figure hides in between the towers of concrete. The red cape is a foreign sight in the dark Gotham, Superman held his earpiece.

 

“He didn’t shoot.” Superman said to thin air, relieve in his tone.

 

The only one hearing that, is Batman on the other side of Gotham, through his communicator while looking down to see Penguin in the docks, smuggling an illegal weapon. Bruce left out a subtle sigh when he finally hears Superman’s report.

 

“He’s moving, do you want me to follow him?” Superman said again after Batman didn’t say anything.

 

Batman takes a pause, thinking, reassessing. He would want Superman to follow him, that was his plan from the very beginning. He knew Jason was still in Gotham, and once he makes an appearance he’ll make him stay this time, help him, this time he won’t fail.

 

Batman wanted a second chance, to make things right. Batman wouldn’t live to see his ward grown to be a killer, the blood will be in his hands all the same. And Bruce can’t take Jason dying again, the first time already broke him beyond repair, and the scar is still there, haunting and latch onto him through the days and the nights with the rest of his other scars.

 

Bruce wanted to believe that his decisions are absolute, that Jason is his responsibility. But for now, Jason being alive is enough.

 

“No, that’ll be all Clark, thank you.”

 

“Anytime Bruce.” Batman could feel him smiling with that voice, and the connection closed.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [find me on tumblr!](https://emotionalcello-makefanfics.tumblr.com/)


	9. Lost and Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason was lost until he was found

 

 

So, Jason walks.

 

It’s hard to walk aimlessly when he knows Gotham like the back of his hand. So he walked outta town, complete with his hobo fashion. Ditching all his electronics, ditching his gear, ditching his gadget, ditching literally everything. Not really knowing which way to go, Jason didn’t want to decide, so he lets drunk Jason decides.

 

He got hammered one night and woke up in the middle of nowhere. There are no woods, just fields of endless crops like corns and wheat. There’s only a single road, and Jason hated choosing whether to go left or right, so he goes off-road, into the woods and through the fields.

 

Jason walked some more. Aimlessly, with no goals in his head and just walks. Barely eating and drinking, barely even sleeping, since he barely even stopped.

 

Jason walked for what it felt was a few days until he found himself in a town. Tall glittery building in the distance shines that night from the fields where Jason stands and decided to go there. Passing through the abandoned passage, it’s more dangerous but it’s away from border patrol, and Jason got through.

 

Like in any beautiful and modern city, the slums are always on the outer part and hidden, that’s where Jason reached first. Almost completely dark, barely any lighting in the area. Tall buildings that looked old compared to the ones in the middle of the city. A place like a shadow behind the beautiful image.

 

Narrow streets, and old houses here and there, hidden in between the clean looking but old apartments. There’re clothes hanged on the balcony, trimmed fields, and homeless people squatting in the dim fire.

 

Jason felt at home.

 

Maybe it’s the similarity to crime alley, that Jason chooses the walls in the narrow pathway to lean his body and rest, or maybe it was his gut feeling to go here. One thing Jason know for sure, he’s tired as hell. He didn’t want to decide what to do, so he sat in that alley, near the main road where the streetlights flicker. Tuck himself into a ball, and finally intended to sleep.

 

A sleep that might have lasted for days if someone didn’t just poke him on the shoulder with a wooden stick.

 

Jason crank his eyelids open, and see the stick is actually a walking cane, and the one who owned it is a rickety old lady.

 

Her back hunched dangerously, hair still black with strands of white peppered here and there. Sky blue dress seems bright on her tan skin, and it’s with a loose knitted soft pink cardigan too big for her frame. Her feet, where she wore thick matching blue wool socks under a worn green flip flops, stepping closer to Jason. There’s no malice in her saggy face, but there’s worry. This is clearly not crime alley, if it is, people wouldn’t give a shit.

 

“Are you dying young man?” the lady chirped her wobbly voice as she frowns.

 

Jason, with a sore throat of dehydration, just shook his head.

 

“Are you hurt then?” Jason shook his head again.

 

“Good, then I might need your help to carry me.” The old lady finally smiled, which Jason narrowed his eyes at that.

 

“You sure you want a stranger be carrying you around old lady?” Jason croaks and stood up, towering above her this time, trying to scare her, he just really wanted to be left alone.

 

The granny didn’t budge and just shrugged, “Meh, it’s either that, or I’ll break my knee in the middle on the road and be dead like a road kill. Don’t know how long this knee could last kid, but it hurts kinda bad.”

 

Jason flinched at her sudden pessimism. Like, Jason is a pessimist himself, now he wonders if people react the same way when they hear him. Jason scoffed at himself at that, heh… what people?

 

Jason didn’t really have the strength, but he’s got a feeling that she won't leave until he ‘helps’ her.

 

“Whatever you say granny.” Jason leaned down, and pick her up like a bride, she had her walking cane in her chest. She weighs like nothing at all.

 

“Ooooh, I feel so young.” The old lady blushes while smiling and smacking Jason’s chest, and her hand stayed there while she let go of another different ‘oooh’.

 

Feeling a little assaulted, Jason narrowed his eyes, “Hands off the merchandise lady, now where to?”

 

“Oh! Sorry, ohohoho.”

 

She then pointed the way, there’s no one really on the road anymore, and when people do pass, they give them a strange look, mostly just towards Jason. The entire scene looks like Jason kidnapped the lady. Whenever people hurried over them, the old lady yells back at them ‘it’s okay! I’m living the dream! Ohohohoho’ it’s a whole brand new cringe fest for Jason. If only he cared more at this moment, he would’ve dropped her and bolt. Well, not literally drop her, but you know.

 

They finally arrive at a two-story little house with an open roof, cramped in between two apartments, where clothes hanged with strings going back and forth between them. Jason leaned her down, so she could lean down and unlock the door. She didn’t, she just turns the doorknob and opens it.

 

“You didn’t lock the door?” Jason questioned.

 

“Relax, there’s someone inside.” The old lady sushed him.

 

There’s no living room, as soon as they open the door, it’s the kitchen. Complete with an oval dining table a several chairs going around it. there’s a door at the end of the room, and a stair. The place is clean, empty, with only a few pictures Jason assumes relatives or her younger self on the walls. It smells like old buildings, reminded him of his old home, but without the smell of burning or melting drugs, and this place is actually clean.

 

“Can I put you down now?” Jason groaned.

 

“Ok… slowly now, boy.”

 

Jason sighed, does he really look like a boy or that young? He can’t be, he could feel his stubble growing, and he’s been on the road for days, he must’ve looked like shit, but he let it go.

 

As soon as Jason wanted to say goodbye, she talked first, “You want some food, son? As a thank you.”

 

Not really no, Jason doesn’t like staying at a stranger’s house, even if it’s an old lady, she could be Ma Gunn’s 2.0. But the grumble on Jason’s stomach made his feet nailed to the ground.

 

“I’ll take you up on that.”

 

Jason waited, sitting in a chair feeling too small for him, staring down his hands as he waited for the old lady reheating the only thing she kept in the fridge. While waiting, Jason put his attention to himself, there’s dirt under his nails, his boots are torn from walking. He lost his jacket somewhere that left him with his long-sleeved shirt, and his combat pants are the only thing seems untouched, probably because it’s actually durable and dark in color so there’s no telling how filthy it really is.

 

Jason rubbed his face, first in days, and felt his stubble pricking him, he never really liked growing them… made him looked like his old man too much.

 

“What’s your name?” the lady asked.

 

Jason contemplates on not answering, but since she’s serving food, the least Jason could do is entertain her. And a few minutes with a roof above his head is not so bad… But Jason is wary, should he use a different name? Just to be safe…

 

“Todd.”

 

“Hello Todd, my name is Aliya, Aliya Puspita Sari, or just Mbah Aliya, or Mbah.” She smiled as she serves him a plate of yellow rice and a boiled egg with reddish and oily sauce. Jason did not know from which part of the world she’s from by her name or by her food. Jason shrugged and start digging in any way.

 

The rice smells fragrant, taste kinda like risotto but not really, and this mildly spicy sauce is something he never tasted before, it’s good.

 

“Where are you from Todd?” Mbah Aliya filled a kettle with water and leave it on the stove to boil.

 

“Gotham.”

 

“Ugh, that treacherous place, I’m glad you’re here then Todd. Tea?”

 

Jason nods at the offer, “And where is ‘here’ actually?”

 

Mbah Aliya turned around, eyeing Jason, at loss, “It’s Metropolis dear, well, not the center part, the slums part, but anywhere here is better than Gotham.” So far Jason agrees to that, since the first time he stepped here, no one has been trying to rob his semi-decent shoes.

 

Mbah Aliya served Jason a cup of tea, along with a cup of sugar. Mbah Aliya takes a sip without any condiments in her tea. Jason emptied his plate, not sipping his tea after putting in a teaspoon of sugar. Just taking in the fragrant smell of what he guesses jasmine tea, the feeling of warmth now that he’s inside a decent building, the ambiance of the dim lights. Mbah’s calming silence, not asking anything more of Jason, and letting him have this peace.

 

Jason found himself exhaled in a relaxed way for the first time in… months.

 

How long will her hospitality last? Jason had hoped not soon enough. He wanted to stay longer, he wanted to talk, suddenly feeling curious about this overly friendly grandma, with a never before heard name, and never before tasted type of cuisine.

 

“How about you M-Mbaah Aliya?” That’s a little tongue twister, “You doesn’t seem you’re from here, the name and the cuisine, I don’t know where you’re from?”

 

Mbah Aliya’s eyes crinkled as she smiles, “Oooh what do you mean? Where I used to live? or where I was born?” there’s a glint of excitement in her deep black eyes.

 

“I’m curious in where you were born, or anything actually, I’m just really curious to hear about my savior.” Jason gave her a playful smirk, yet trying to show her that he’s grateful.

 

The old lady lit up with a smile, “I’m from a faraway country, called Indonesia. Last time I recall, even the cities are filled with greens. Where I lived, there are still hills among the residents, and my house was in those hills, it’s really fun to ride my bike down the hills.” Her eyes looked far away, remembering her old memory. Jason knows what that feels like…

 

“I stayed in Indonesia till I was 18 before…” Her smile fell, yet not completely, like remembering something painful, yet not feeling the pain anymore, “…I got married to a… ‘orang bule’ as we called it, a foreigner. Back then it looked cool and very high end and proud to be married to someone from America, a westerner. He was my father’s boss’ friend, that saw me by chance, and ‘falls in love with me at first sight’” She quotes, pressing her lips and roll her eyes.

 

Jason almost spits back the tea he was drinking just by the sheer energetic sass she just did. Jason bites back a laugh and she continues.

 

“He asked for my hand from my father, since it was the time where women don’t have much choice, and he was rich by our standards, and I did feel proud when I marry him.”

 

“Wait, so no boyfriend-girlfriend first?” Jason suddenly infested in her story.

 

Mbah scoffed, “There was no such thing, in my country, at my age, arranged marriage is still a thing. I just hoped it’s not anymore, it’s been so long since I returned to Indonesia.” She paused, and raised her cup, “More tea? It’s going to be a long story if you wanted to hear more.”

 

Jason smiled and stood up, “Let me.” He offers.

 

And she continues, she rambles on about her life like a burst dam. Her eyes glint in excitement, sadness, frowning, smiling as she goes through her story, and Jason is completely invested to hear someone’s story despite being stuck on his own.

 

Mbah Aliya, was 18 when she marries a Gotham man. She lived there, right away after marriage to a man named Joseph Clinton. A man with dark hair and hazel eyes, like a crow she said. It was unusual for her father to just give her away like that, he usually is pickier. Her father is strict about religion, all her life, her parents always told her to pick a kind and religious Muslim.

 

Then one day this man came, and suddenly everything is a-okay. Mbah Aliya didn’t object since she wanted it too. Mbah Aliya wanted to explore, to get out of the country, and when he asked her to convert to a Christian, she agreed, and suddenly her father is okay too under a reason ‘if that’s what you really want’.

 

At first, everything was overwhelming, a new country, with a new language she was barely fluent at, and a completely new culture. Her husband was very loving, only for a short period of time. Then it got cold, her husband is rarely at home at all, which she discovers that he’s been cheating on her. Doesn’t matter to Mbah Aliya, she was given the permission to go out by herself, to converse and hang out with friends of any sex without his supervision. Those are the freedom she’ll never get if she got married in Indonesia.

 

Despite the adultery, Mbah Aliya have children with him, 3 beautiful and hyper boys as she called them. The oldest was 6, the middle one was 4 and the youngest was only 1 year old when her husband died.

 

She only inherited very little of from her husband, only to find out that most of it go to her father. Mbah Aliya never faced them again, and they refuse to contact her, or even accept her back since she’s a Christian now, her father disowned her. Till now Mbah Aliya believed that her father sold her out for money and inheritance, why? She never wanted to know the specifics. There are times when they reached out to her again, and she never answers to any of their calls or letters.

 

Mbah Aliya was suddenly all alone, without a husband to provide her, but that didn’t stop her or made her hopeless. She worked hard to provide for her children, so hard that she didn’t pay them enough attention to bond as a family. Now when she’s old and weak, they forgot her, and she tried to make amends, by taking in lost kids and provide shelter for them to escape hostile environment.

 

“And you’re one of those kids Jason.”

 

Jason hummed to his third cup of tea, now with milk.

 

“I don’t know if it’s your old eyes, but I don’t look like a kid.”

 

“You might not look like it, but I know a lost child when I see one.”

 

“Mbah Aliya?” Another voice chimed into the room.

 

A kid walked into the room, green eyes in contrast with his dark skin, hair shaved in a messy buzzcut.

 

“Who’s this?” his voice wary, eyes glaring at Jason, at least he’s more cautious than the clueless Mbah Aliya, Jason’s glad at least someone in this house is more cautious.

 

“Marcus, this is Todd, I found him an alley.” Mbah said like it’s a usual thing. “Todd, this is Marcus, he helped around sometimes, he’s the oldest from the bunch.” Mbah Aliya introduced them together.

 

Marcus just nods his head, “Sup’.”

 

Jason nods back “Sup’.”

 

“Todd will be staying over, could you please show him the room.”

 

Jason raised an eyebrow, “I didn’t say anything about staying over lady.”

 

“Oh please, and you want to go back to the alley? Just stay over for a night. There’s also some old clothes of my son, you can use them after you shower.”

 

“Mbah Aliya I really—”

 

“Dude, just do what she says, you’re not gonna win against her, c’mon, follow me.”

 

Marcus takes off, and Mbah aliya nods his ways to tell Jason to follow him. Guess a night sleeping in a bed is good for once, and it’s not like Jason is in a hurry to go anywhere.

 

He followed Marcus upstairs then down the hall, passing a tiny area with little but filled bookcases, and another room with small handful of children sleeping on few mattresses.

 

“Is this an orphanage?” Jason asked.

 

“Nah, those kids just slept over because they didn’t want to go home.” Jason knew how that felt, feeling like his home is dangerous.

 

“Where are the books come from?” Jason asked again.

 

“People that gave them away.”

 

Jason cocked his eyebrows, people giving away things? Free? Back in Gotham, people will not give away anything at all, even if it’s a holed sock, they will sell it for anything, but never free.

 

“There are people giving away books?”

 

Marcus turned around, narrowed his eyes on Jason, “Of course, where have you been?”

 

“I’m from Gotham.”

 

Marcus whipped his head around, glaring at Jason, “People that came from Gotham—”

 

“Are criminals, I know, but I’m just homeless, and it’s not me that wanted to stay here” Jason scoffed. That’s not completely a lie… well it is, Jason has a few save houses, and totally a criminal.

 

The teen paused, crossing his lanky noodle arms, “I’m watching you.” He threatened.

 

Marcus leads him to a room, it’s a bit dusty but the bed is made, and there’s barely any furnishing at all, just one single small bed at the end of the room right below the window.

 

“There’re clothes in the cupboard, and it’s a bit dusty so you might want to air it out a bit. Bathroom’s the end of the hall to the left.” Marcus pointed down the hallway, then yawns.

 

“I’m serious, I’m watching you!” Marcus growled, as deep as his pre-teen voice could be, “We have nothing for you to steal anyway, and if you hurt any of them, I have a fucking gun stored around here.”

 

Jason has mixed feelings about that, a kid with a gun, he bet it’s not legal, but then again, Jason is not the best person to judge that.

 

“You have my word, I want nothing to do with this house or the kids.” Jason raised his hands defensively, didn’t know why he tried to make peace with the kid, not like it mattered anyway.

 

Marcus huffed, “Fine.” with those last words Marcus stomps away to the bedroom with the other kids.

 

Jason stepped into the room, and yes, there’s a lot of dust here. He sits at the edge of the bed that squeaks when he landed his butt.

 

Sighing to himself, _What the fuck am I doing?_

 

But Jason is too tired to answer his own question, he’ll save that for when he wakes up. So, he takes the permitted shower, and go to bed, sighing when his head hits the pillow. His tired muscles finally got a break, and his eyelids closed, putting him into an instant sleep.

 

 

+++++

 


	10. I won't be continuing this fic, but....

this fic is discontinued, and i gave permission to everyone picking this up, or just take the idea. I gave permission to take this fic whole word for word, or heavily edit, this fic is up for grabss, have fun!

 

I would post the rest of the unedited drafts here, for anyone wondering.


	11. unedited unfinished Draft

+++++

 

 

Jason woke up at noon, curling near the wall side of the bed, and a blanket over him. He didn’t remember putting a blanket at all, nor did he remember he knew there’s a blanket.

 

Jason woke up with pairs of curious eyes in front of him, one of them has his drool all over Jason’s hand, ew. They scurried away from the room when Jason could finally crank his eyes completely open.

 

Only then Jason remembered where he is. Mbah Aliya, and this place that supposed to be an unofficial shelter. He walked for… for weeks? A month? Couldn’t remember, but Mbah Aliya somehow manage to make him stay and sleep here.

 

Dragging his body up to sit, Jason groaned at the separation from bed. It’s thin, and it creaks, but it was the most comfortable thing Jason has laid his body on for weeks. He rubbed his face with his palms a bit too hard, pressing hard on his eyes.

 

It’s a good sleep, time to go.

 

Jason walked out of the room, still in the clothes he borrowed.

 

There are kids running down the hallways, passing through him. They’re glancing curious stares at him, and one finally stopped dead in front of him, wide eyes and snot running down his face.

 

“Are you granny Aliya’s husband?”

 

Jason blinked, “What?”

 

“You look old!” A girl boomed from behind one of the doors.

 

“I’m not that old!” Jason exclaimed.

 

“You have white hair! You must be old, you’re a grandpa!”

 

“Settle down now Josh” Marcus popped in from one of the rooms, putting his hand on the kid’s head and push him away from Jason, lucky kid, Jason was about to do something illegal.

 

“Nice sleep?” Marcus asked, less hostile now, somehow.

 

“Yeah.” Jason shrugged.

 

“Good, you slept for 2 days, just want you to know that”

 

And Jason did not expect that, but then 2 days is reasonable enough after not sleeping for 3 days.

 

“Mbah Aliya is worried, and the kids tried to wake you up so she wouldn’t worry.” Marcus stated blankly.

 

“Uh… sorry?”

 

Marcus just shrugged at that, “She’s in the front porch, watering some plants, tell her you’re awake.”

 

“Wait.” Jason called, and Marcus stops, looking back to him again with an eye roll, “Is she treating you well?”

 

Marcus’s eyes got wide, “Who?”

 

“Mbah Aliya. She’s not making you or these kids do anything in

 

Marcus turned in his heel, walking up the stairs to the roof. Jason took the kid’s suggestion and looked into the nearest mirror. He walked to the bathroom, and see a vibrant rainbow mustache  and glasses panted by markers on his face. There’re words across his forehead ‘WAKE UP GRANDPA.’, these kids are lucky he left his gun back in his safehouse.

 

After getting his face clean, Jason looked for the old lady, and see her at the exact place Markus told him.

 

“Mbah Aliya?”

 

The old lady spins her head fast, too fast for her age. She smiled at Jason, showing all her pearly teeth which Jason suspect are dentures.

 

“Oh you’re awake! I though you literally died because of my boring rambling.” Mbah Aliya put down her water hose and walk towards him.

 

“Ha ha.” Jason platonically ‘laugh’.

 

“Will you be staying Todd?”

 

Jason pressed his lips, he owes the lady but, “No.”

 

The cheerful woman frowned, “Do you have a home to return to?”

 

_No_

 

“Yes,” Jason lied, “But I promised I’ll comeback” and regretted that he said that almost instantly. He shouldn’t have promised the things he can’t keep. But it’s not like he didn’t want to return. The place has a calming effect on him, the kids aren’t scared of him, and Mbah is… she accepts him, just like that.

 

“Oh well, I can’t keep kids that has a place to return to, they’re not mine after all.” She laughed, but her voice sounded remorseful, she turned around, and bent down slowly to reach the water hose on the ground.

 

Bending down painfully slow.

 

Jason swears he hears her spine cracks.

 

“I got it.” Jason took the hose and turned it back on, “Just sit this one back.” He told her, that brings her smile back.

 

“Thank you Todd.”

 

“Only because I owe it to you Mbah.”

 

 

 

+++++

 

 

A year and a half later.

 

“Hey hey hey hey!! What do I tell you guys about fighting!” Jason scolded from the kitchen and separate the two thigh height boys from yanking each other’s hair.

 

“He started it!!” a black haired boy scream, “He called me a sissy!!” screamed the other.

 

“Okay that’s enough!!” Jason raised his voice, both of them didn’t squeak anymore, no matter how much Jason did this, he can never be used to it, being a peace maker.

 

Jason looked at the black-haired boy he just took in from the streets, “Josh, what do I say about name calling?” eyes looking down, disappointed, and he sees the expression in the head strong boy shift.

 

“Well it’s true!! He’s playing with a doll!”

 

“A Wonder Woman Doll!! She’s a hero!!”

 

“Still a Doll! Still a sissy!”

 

“Enough!” Jason boomed, “Josh, we don’t do that kind of language in this house, and you don’t get to tell what anyone is based on what they play with!”

 

“Why the fuck not! It’s what they are! M’just stating facts!” the child barks back, typical street kids, Jason knows how that goes, he tap the shoulder of the green eyes boy clutching tight his Wonder Woman action figure, “Go play with the other’s upstairs, I’ll deal with you later.”

 

The child gasp, “Me?? What did I do wrong!? He--”

 

“Upstairs.”

 

The child pouts, and stomp upstairs anyway.

 

“And you Josh, you’re lucky I didn’t tell him you still read red riding hood stories you hide under the sofa cushion, if only he knew you’re actually childish… no, a baby! Probably you wet your bet every night”

 

The child went beet red, almost crying, “W-What?? NO I’M NOT! I’m NOT a baby and I never wet my bed!!!”

 

“No, no you’re not, but it feels shitty aint it when I say shit about things you like?”

 

The boy looks down, hand on his back as he pouts, saying the quietest “yea”

 

“So don’t be saying anything about what people likes, unless they’re doing something wrong, you say that directly to me, understood?”

 

Then boy mumbled another quiet “yea.”

 

Jason takes in a deep breath, ruffling his dark hair, “Good, now apologize to Connor.”

 

The boy quietly follows him upstairs, a roof where the rest of the runaway children play hide and seek between the hanged laundry on half the roof, and the other half of the roof is Jason’s mini garden with all the vegetable he could grow.

 

Josh went over to Connor, where he waited on the corner. Jason look from a far and see the two of them talked and finally shake it out. Josh then returned downstairs, maybe to the road where other children play soccer.

 

Jason let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Not used to it, but he wish he does that right, the universe could kill him again if he just done and ruined a childhood. Now that that’s out of the way, time to talk to Connor.

 

He sits beside the small and grumpy brunette, and the little guy talked first, “I didn’t do anything wrong! He’s the one that called me first!”

 

“I know kid, but you started the fight, you know I don’t want any fights on this house.”

 

“You can’t tell me not to fight! I have to defend myself! If I don’t fight then I’m done for!” The usually shy kid now raising up his voice too, that’s what the streets do to you, Jason know that all too well.

 

Jason pat the brunette’s unruly hair, gently ruffles them, “You’re not on the streets now kid, you don’t need to do that here, but when I’m not there you have to stick together, while I’m here, you report that stuff to me, got it?”

 

After a few seconds of silence, the child finally nods, god Jason hopes he didn’t fuck this child up too.

 

“Good, you stayin’ for dinner kid?”

 

The kids shook his head, “No, I promised momma I return to eat with her new boyfriend.”, Jason cursed in his head, _Dammit, another one._

 

“And if this one touches you too, you-“

 

“Tell you right away, got it.” Connor now smiles, standing up and kisses him on the head, “Thanks Papa Todd.” He said cheekily, knowing how much that nick name bothers him, and runs downstairs, and again he let that go, now everyone calls him Papa Todd.

 

He’s not used to that either, the kiss on the head, but the kids love to hug, and Jason still can’t handle hugs well, and for the substitute, was the kiss, and Jason partially regret ever suggesting it, only partially.

 

Jason walk through the hung cloths where a handful of children still gleefully playing and running around. He spotted the land lady inside the garden, snipping dead leaves from the plants. Mbah Aliya reaching one of the taller plants, now standing from her wheelchair.

 

“Mbah…” Jason said softly with a sigh when he finally enters her line of sight, “I told you to leave the gardening to me, you shouldn’t be working too hard.”

 

The lady huffed as if she had heard it for a hundred time from him, she has, maybe even more, “Nonsense, this is my home, I need to work too.”

 

“I know but I’m the one that--”

 

“Sush sush sush Todd, I said it was okay to grow these plants, let it go.” Mbah said, with a toothy smile, for what’s left of her teeth anyway.

 

Jason smiled at her, ever so thankful. Mbah Aliya stopped her hands, now looking at Jason with her kind eyes, and her face crinkle as she lightly smiles. Her gaze looked passed Jason, to the children playing in between the laundry.

 

“I never could’ve done the things you do to these children, never in my days of giving them shelter have I ever hear them laugh.”

 

“I did bare minimum for someone also crashing your pla—”

 

“Sush Todd! You done more than you think, I just wanted to thank you, in case I never tell you.” She did, countless of times but she always forgets she ever did, and each thanks lift Jason’s soul a little lighter.

 

“Todd?” a pip squeak voice called him, and a tall lanky boy peeks in, all smiles and bright. His green eyes shine when he saw Mbah Aliyah in there and gave the skinny woman a big hug, “Good Evening Mbah.”

 

“Good evening to you too Marcus.” The fifteen-year-old squeezed in one last time before doing a fist bump with Jason.

 

“I already put my math and biology homework you gave in your room.”

 

“Took only a day huh? You getting’ quick and smart.” Jason rubbed the boy’s short shaven head.

 

“Thanks to you.” The boy smiled, as bright as the sun that always seems so nostalgic to Jason, “Is there anymore?”

 

“Getting cocky? After I check if there’s any error kid.”

 

“Sure! How ‘bout dinner? Can I help?”

 

“Yeah, cmon.” Jason smiled at the kid, kinda sees himself in him, he sees himself in all the kids Mbah Aliya takes in.

 

He’s grateful to all the kids here, them needing him and seeking help, saves whatever parts left in Jason. But the one he’s thankful the most is Mbah Aliya.

 

Thanks to her, he got something better than home, a place that needs him.

 

 

++++++++++

 

 

“Be careful on your way back!” Jason waved at Klara, the little girl and her mom that asked a favor that they takes care of her for today, something to do with her husband, and that bruise she’s trying to cover.

 

Jason is going to have to do something about that.

 

“Whoa! Dude, your face just said murder there.” Marcus sneaks in to his sides, leaning his back to the door frame.

 

“If those bruises gets on Klara then it wont just on my face.” Jason huffed, and Marcus seems indifferent about the statement, “I’m kidding.” Jason tried not to seem like an impulsive killer there.

 

“Not going home?” Jason asked.

 

“…No, I’d rather not, no one’s home, again.” Marcus shrugged, tried to smile it off. Poor kid was lonely, dad’s a henchman and mom doing nightshift, he’s not doing anything at home, and finally stumbles upon this place.

 

Jason lightly pats him in the back, “Tell the rest of the kids some bed time stories in my place, would you? I’m going out tonight.”

 

“Meeting ‘your dad’ again?”

 

“Yup”

 

“He’s coming to this town, or you’re going to Gotham?”

 

“It’s his turn to come over this time.” Jason put on a jacket and said good bye to Mbah Aliya.

 

“Would he visit?” Marcus still tailing him till the front door again.

 

“Here? You want to meet him?” Jason raised an eyebrow

 

“Sure! He sounds fun, and I’m curious if he’s really better at cooking than you like you said.”

 

“He’s way better, I’ll tell him that.” With another rub on the head, Jason waved goodbye, going to the main road to catch the bus.

 

 

++++++++++++

 

 

Jason spotted the quiet Diner. It’s pass dinner time and the place only filled by half. The bell rings lightly as Jason opened the glass door, and old timey music humms in the room. The man behind the bar caught his eye and Jason smiled at the bulky man, finding the smile returned back from his bushy mustache.

 

“Your dad’s already here.” The man nodded to the other end of the diner, and Jason spotted a bald man with a very tidy mustache, occupying a table pretty far from the others.

 

“The usual?” the man behind the bar said again.

 

“Yeah, thanks.”

 

Jason went over to the occupied table and sit across from him, “Hey Alf.”

 

“Good to see you again Jason.” Alfred said with a quirk of a smile, and Jason replied it with another, finally Alfred lost the ‘Master’.

 

Jason spotted a small box on the table, “What’s up with the box? Bought a souvenir to bring back?”

 

“No, it’s for you.” Alfred opened the box, inside was a bright white cake a size of your palm with a cursive writing ‘Happy 21st Birthday.’.

 

Jason stared at the cake with mouth gaping open, his own birthday, he wonders when it is, he forgot it, it’s been so long since he celebrates it. Alfred stabbed the cake, with two candles spelling ‘21’, and lit it with a match from his coat.

 

“Happy birthday Jason, I do wish it was something more grand, it _is_ your sweet 21 st, but with this I wish you all the best.”

 

Jason looked up to Alfred, not knowing what to say when he couldn’t even know what to feel. He forgot, how? How could a child forget his own birthday? And he did not know, all these times, he just reached his 20s

 

“Is everything all right?” Alfred put a hand on his shoulder, and Jason blink out of his daze, “You look a little at loss.”

 

“I am.” Jason admits, looking up to the old man, “I don’t remember my birthday, nor do I remember my age, I thought I was…I don’t know, 25-ish?”

 

 “I’d say you looked even older than that, but no, you’re not 25, yet. Your date of birth is August 16th” Alfred sighed defeatedly, eyeing fondly at Jason, “You’re still young, still so much possibilities in front of you, and I look forward watching you grow.”

 

Jason smiled, appreciating the gesture and the genuine words. Alfred’s presence has been nice, along with the kids back at Mbah’s.

 

“Thanks”

 

“And here are your presents.”

 

“My what?”

 

Alfred lift a big paper bag from under the table, and Jason definitely did not see that down there.

 

“This is from me.” Alfred pull out a few books from there, they’re worn, because it’s Jason’s favorites that he left back at the Manor. Jason’s face lit up, seeing those books again like seeing an old friend.

 

“Thank you Alfie, I missed them, so much.” Jason brought the book up to his nose, smelling the aged papers, he loved the smell, it’s nostalgic, brings back good memories to the calm days where he reads them in peace.

 

“And there were also from Master Dick, Master Bruce, Miss Barbara and to my surprise as well, Master Tim.”

 

Jason narrowed his eyes, “How do I know there’s no tracker in there, or recorder or a camera.”

 

“There was, but I took care of it. I do feel disappointed at them but not surprised.” Jason could relate.

 

If this was last year, he would’ve take the candles on his cake and burn everything, it’s a little dramatic but you get the gist. He said he wants out, starts fresh as Jason Todd, a child of nobody, and a friend to none, though he’s already breaking his rule by letting Alfred in but c’mon… Alfred is… Alfred.

 

“I’ll open them later.” Jason takes the bag, put it beside his feet.

 

“Now, before the candle melts away, make a wish and blow the candle.”

 

Jason wanted to protest, but he wanted to do that, blowing candles of his birthday cake, making a wish. Though he knows this act won’t grant his wish in anyway, it’s… a childish act, it’s a useless act, but Jason closed his eyes and wish anyway. He blows the candle, and their meal came a few seconds after.

 

“So, how’s it been Jason? I do hope Mbah Aliya is alright, and so are the kids.”

 

“I did what I can for the kids, and Mbah Aliya has been well, as cheerful as ever.” Jason smiled at the thought of her, digging into his mac and cheese with a side of collard greens.

 

“And Marcus?”

 

“Getting bright and smarter every day, thanks for the school books you’ve given me, he wanted to see you, you know, you’re welcome at Mbah Aliya anytime.”

 

Alfred is startled at what he just hears, the excitement in his usually stoic eyes now crinkled as he smiles. “Oh, I certainly will! I’ll clear my schedule! I’ll bring my special cookies and cook you a meal.”

 

Jason has never seen the man so excited, he didn’t know the old man loves children so much, but he supposes when his boss/child adopt children on impulse, then maybe Alfred might have grown into them.

 

“Sure, next meeting then, how about our ship? Has it finally sailed?”

 

Alfred sighed with a roll of his eyes, “I swear to God Almighty himself if both of them keep going like this I don’t think I’ll lived long enough to finally see them finally be in a relationship.”

 

“I thought you give Clark a pep talk last time? He’s not making a move?” Jason now engrossed in the new update, slurping in his beer.

 

Alfred dug into his pie, “I did, and though it seems Master Kent have a new perspective that is all there is to it, for someone who can X-ray everything he is totally blind at Master Bruce’s affection towards him, it frustrates me how I have to watch them pinning each other so blindly.”

 

Jason let out a chuckle, that sounds like Bruce all right. He listens to Alfred all night, He may not want to be in the family again but listening to their drama through the closest he got to a family is definitely worth catching up for.

 

 

++++++++++

 

Jason checked the bedrooms, Marcus is asleep with all the younger children, only a few sleep over tonight, he didn’t know it’s good or bad, but he wish they’re safe. Mbah Aliya is also asleep, snoring softly with her glasses still on and an opened book laying face down on her stomach.

 

Jason tip toed in, taking her glasses off, and after putting a bookmark put her book by her nightstand. Mbah Aliya went out like a light, not moving an inch even though Jason pull her blanket a little to cover her up.

 

Jason went up to the roof, taking the dry laundry from the strings, put them in the basket. He gathered the dirty laundry and put it beside the washing machine to do them tomorrow. The dishes is done, probably done by Marcus.

 

Now he’s alone in his bed, with his gifts. He didn’t need to stay here, he has a safe house nearby, in Metropolis, yet he liked here, feeling a normality, living live a complete opposite of what he used to, the vigilante life. He figured he wouldn’t like the gifts from the people that those vigilante partners, thinking if he should ever open them. Ah whatever, maybe there’s something useful here.

 

There’s a few boxes, labeled with their name. he opened the one from Tim first since he’s curious about it. It was a medium box.

 

It was a coffee cup with two words ‘You Suck’, Jason rolled his eyes yet still amused, and it’s not even done, there’s a letter inside the mug.

 

‘ _Look here you sick’o, you died, it’s all weird all over. Out of nowhere you beat me up, but I sure as hell did a number on you too’_ He did, not that Jason would admit ever that, ‘ _Noone replaces you, surprise surprise I’m not an orphan, I guess Bruce is Batman with my supreme intellect_ ’ Jason rolled his eyes to the heavens ‘ _I might have black mailed Bruce to give me this Robin gig, he’s always so distant with me, benching me whenever I’m in more danger than usual and I blame it on you, so you best believe Imma whoop your ass if I ever find you_.’

 

Jason scoffed, not caring whatever Bruce is dealing. For someone with ‘Supreme Intellect’ the kid sure is stupid. He thinks the job’s fun? He didn’t want to jinx it, but if Jason lose a life, and Grayson lost his city, then it’s only fate that Tim is having something coming to him. Jason shooed that thought away, he didn’t mean that, the kid is only 16? 17? Jason didn’t care, just as he said, Tim chooses this.

 

He opened the one from Bruce, there’s only one piece of letter in front of a folder saying ‘Thank You’. Inside the folder was pictures and news papers cuts of all the suspects and information he gave them when he busts into Arkham Asylum. Every one of them caught and busted from their illegal operations, all 73 suspects.

 

“GG Bruce.” He muttered under his breath.

 

He opened another from Barbara, it was a doll of everyone, Nightwing, Batgirl, Batman, Robin and even Red Hood. Just like everything else, there’s also a letter attached to this.

 

‘ _I’ll never thank you enough for killing the Joker, I have to admit, back then when you broke in, I turn a blind eye on you, knowing you’ll kill him, but after you tried to kill yourself I regret I ever did._ ’ Jason pressed his lips, now not knowing if he should feel grateful or not ‘ _I made the dolls myself, pretty sweet huh? You better give me a hug when you’re back, I won’t accept any other payment._ ’

 

Jason found himself smiling fondly at it, she’ll wait a while for that hug.

 

And the last one, from Dick Grayson himself the box is small enough to fit his hand. A nokia phone, and also a letter.

 

‘ _I’ve been wanting to follow where Alfred goes or even hunt you down, but I didn’t. I know you need space, and I know you’re angry, but I miss you you big stupid goof! But knowing you’re alive alone is content enough for me… for now. I’ll never admit you’re out of this family, you’re forever my little jay bird._ ’ Jason frowned at the nick name again, not out of anger, or disgust, it’s just… hit him in an uncomfortable way.

 

‘ _I miss you but just like I said, I’ll wait till you want to return. The phone can’t be traced, it has my number, if you need me, or if by any miracle wanted to talk, call me._ ’

 

Jason finally lets out his breath he didn’t know he held. He knows that he declared to himself that… they’re nothing anymore. Jason takes a look around his gifts one more time, their letters, why is Jason taking all this shit? He didn’t want it, he promised he didn’t.

 

‘ _You’ll be a better Robin than I am Little Wing._ ’

 

Shit… shit shit shit.

 

‘ _Please don’t go Jason._ ’ Jason felt like he could hear it again, the voice that slightly croaks as it muffled against his shoulder. The skin where Dick’s lips moved felt hot.

 

‘ _Please don’t go dad!_ ’ Jason hears his own voice, barely 7 that time.

 

‘ _Mom’s sick! We should get her to the hospital_ ’

 

‘ _Your mom is always sick kid, it’s called being wasted_ ,’

 

‘ _Then stay for me!_ ’ but his dad didn’t stop walking.

 

‘ _Don’t go dad!_ ’ the door slammed on his face.

 

The sound was so loud that he snapped out of his day dream, the door made another noise, someone knocks. Jason tidy up all his gifts and opens the door to see a familiar little girl, Carlie, a few minutes ago she was sleeping with the others, but this is not the first time Carlie knocks on his door with tears in her eyes.

 

“Papa Todd?” the 8 year old sniffs, while owning the nastiest frown. Her black eyes hide behind her short unruly brown hair.

 

“I’m here Carlie.” Jason opened his arms and the little girl lunged and hug the life out of Jason’s knee.

 

“Another nightmare?” Jason said while patting her back, and she nods.

 

“Okay, let’s get some warm milk first”

 

“Thanks.” The girl finally said.

 

They both sitting on the kitchen table, she sipped her warm milk slowly and Jason waits with her.

 

“Was the nightmare about your mom again?” Jason carefully asks, and she nods.

 

“I could talk to her you know?” and by talk Jason means threaten, it always means that, and it always works.

 

“Mom left.” Her quiet voice reveals, this is the first time Jason ever hears it.

 

“I know this means she doesn’t hit me anymore, but dad has been crying…” and with that Carlie cries, “It’s like he didn’t see me, like I don’t matter to him, he always turns a blind eye when she hits me, why didn’t he love me? And love her??!” her cries turn to shouts of anger.

 

“I bet he didn’t even care I didn’t come home! I bet he wont even notice I’m gone! I bet he wont even try to find me! I bet… I bet he’ll leave me!! But I don’t want him to… I don’t want him to leaaavvvee” Carlie’s eyes pour down like heavy rain, face red as she sobs as loud as her heart content.

 

Jason move over to her and gave her a pat on her back as a desperate effort to comfort her. She hugs him instantly, arms wrapping tight around his chest. Jason take in a sharp breath, he tried to not think of that time, the moment he opens his eyes in a narrow coffin, trapped 6 feet under the ground, screaming their name.

 

_Batman! Nightwing? Help me!! Please! Get me out of here!! Dick? Barbara? Bruce? SOMEONE GET ME OUTTA HERE!_

 

He tried, so many times, breath in, breath out. Jason expands his hands, reminding himself that there’s a lot of space around him. Tried to feel the warmth around his torso, a wet patch on his chest as tiny arms wrap around him there. Tried to listen, that there’s no silence here, he’s not screaming, the only voice here is sobbing from a little girl that needs him. Tried to see, a brunette pressed around his chest, and pat her head.

 

He’s alive. Want it or not, he’s alive, no matter how much his mind wanted to go back underground.

 

“It’s alright Carlie… I’ll talk to your dad—”

 

“NO!” She shot up from Jason’s arms, “He has to find me himself! It won’t mean anything if you made him!”

 

Jason pressed his lips as he looks down to the child’s reddish eyes. Jason usually won’t listen to these kids, thinking that Jason knows what to do, what’s best for them, but whenever he thinks that way, he reminded himself of the old bat, and by God Jason refused to be the same as that emotionally crippled man.

 

“Okay, I won’t, you’re always welcome here.” Jason smiled, he tried to anyway, he’s working on it, “Go back to bed.”

 

“Read me a story?”

 

“Of course.”

 

Carlie lay down on an empty bed, a few beds all over has been occupied, some is empty and tidy, ready for extra occupant. She closes her eyes as Jason read a story of Goodnight Moon in a quiet and soothing voice. Jason remembered the story like the back of his hand, brings back memories of when his own mother used to read him stories on her good days. Carlie’s breath steady and Jason lowered his voice as he says goodbye to the moon, and finally… “Goodbye noises everywhere.”

 

Jason let out a relieved breath, feeling calm when Carlie finally be able to rest. Her anger reminded so much of himself that it was terrifying. Like looking at a mirror, and he can’t help to imagine her future that’ll be like him. He could never get used to it, seeing reflections of himself in all these children. It was scary, it reminded him of—

 

_Me~~~ HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA what a noble act little birdie Jason._

 

Jason winced, the shrill voice ringing and bouncing against his skull. He opened his eyes, wide, trying to see around that he’s nowhere, he’s dead. He curses on his head, he thought he’s finally free, it’s been weeks since he saw him. Yet there he is, caressing Carlie’s cheek.

 

_Oooooh look at those poor children, so innocent yet so tainted, so fresh yet so experienced, oh don’t you just love the corrupt lives they’ll have of and the strings they’ll get tied up … Ahhhhh it gives me the heeby jeebies I love it._

 

Jason knew now, other than taunting his memories, it’s best just to ignore it, breath in and out, repeat. This is all just in your head.

 

_Oh it is! I am AAAAAAAAALL in your head, pretty cozy place here, especially when I can do this._

 

The joker popped up in the hall way where Jason was about to go to his room, and see the Joker was not alone, Jason is there, again. All bloody, tied up, sobbing with low murmurs of the names that haunt his head.

 

_Bruce… help… someone… Dick… Barbara? Mom…_

 

Then the clown raised up his arms, holding the damn crowbar again and Jason closed his eyes before he could see it landed on his imaginary self. It doesn’t help though, he can always hear the sound, and the joker’s laugh always felt like his red messy lips are inches from his ear.

 

“Go on, destroy me Joker, destroy my mind all you want.” Jason taunt, now opening his eyes, “But that’s it, that’s all you get to hurt… me, no one else, not these kids, nor even your beloved Batman.”

 

Jason taunt the eyes of the clown with a frown, “So get cozy clown, you’re dead, and now you’re trapped here with me, forever.”

 

Jason walked pass, finally free from any of his laugh, free from hearing himself crying, for now. It always comes back, it was hard to live with them at the first few weeks but now Jason anticipates it, know what to do if they comeback, for that, he felt a little proud of himself.

 

Jason slept a little harder that night, so he recites Goodnight Moon until he can.

 

 

++++++++++

 

 

It’s time of the month for Dick. No, Dick is not bleeding through his _dick_. It’s that time of the month where Dick visits Wayne Manor, along with Tim, Steph, Barbara and Cass for family dinner. Alfred’s request, that sentimental old man, that he loves so much by the way. If it’s not for Alfred, Dick won’t be seeing them at all, they’re busy with themselves that they forgot they have a family. Well, want it or not Dick misses them, so he wanted to see them as often as possible, while he can.

 

Dropping in from the front door, and let himself in, finding himself alone in the gigantic house. Tried to listen in any voice at all, and nothing.

 

Dick know they’re here, they must be, but still he can’t help but feel lonely. The house felt lonely for a while now, tragedy after tragedy have made it lost it’s feeling of warmth. The only thing that kept it warm enough to return to are the pictures of the good and innocent times, Alfred, and well, Dick himself. When Tim came, it used to be a little lively, but just like mentioned earlier, tragedies, more like vigilante family drama.

 

Well, all family have dramas, Dick knew that, as long as he keeps trying to hug them all together, maybe they’ll see that they need each other, and one day be a close knitted family. If Dick’s really lucky, maybe have Jason back for the holidays. For now, he just wishes he got a call from his little wing, it’s been a few days.

 

Dick always go to the kitchen first whenever he visits the manor, looking for some snacks and Alfred. The snacks are there on the island, but no Alfred. Second place he visits is The Batcave, looking for Bruce, and there he is, on his Batcomputer like always, but Dick is lucky this time because Bruce is not suited up.

 

“Where’s Alf?” Dick skipped over to Bruce.

 

“Right here sir.” Alfred pupped up from the bat mobile bit a duster in his hand, “Do you need my assistance sir?”

 

“No no, just wanted to ask how was your dinner with Jason? How’s he doing?”

 

“I assure you he’s alive and also well, he has regained his humor back.” There’s a ghost of a smile on Alfred’s face and the news sent a wave of relief on Dick, and Bruce as well as he eavesdrops.

 

“Did he get our presents?” Dick said in an excited tone.

 

“I made sure he did, and I have to say your present is sentimental but I’m afraid it seems Master Jason won’t be using it for a while.” Alfred said with even voice and a hint of empathy.

 

Dick can’t say it didn’t pinch his heart a little, maybe he just needs to wait a little longer, “Wait, you opened my gift?”

 

“I opened all your gifts to check any tracker or surveillance device in them, I did find a few and peevishly destroy them.”

 

“That’s not me”

 

“I’m not saying it is.”

 

The both looked over Bruce that seemingly unbothered by Dick’s accusing stare ad Alfred’s defeated one.

 

“It will be my greatest disappointment if ever Master Jason’s trust in me is destroyed because of you lots, so don’t.” The eldest’ voice is ever so pungent and even, but threat behind the words is loud and clear.

 

“Then you have to tell me more Alf!” Dick asked again, trying to clear the tensing air, “Is he getting taller? Is he taking care of himself well? Is he living with someone? Does he have a different hair? Is he in a relationship? Adopted a puppy? A cat maybe? Is he getting skinnier? Or gaining more weight? Any new hobbies?”

 

Alfred huffed amusedly, “Seems you have a lot of questions Master Dick, I’ll pass your question the next time I see him.”

 

“Really??” Dick lit up, “When is that?”

 

“I don’t know sir, Jason have my number, but I do not.”

 

Dick let out a weak “Oh.” But try to not let it linger too long, “Well, I’ll be upstairs then since this is supposed to be _our break_.” Dick pressed the last couple of words and squeezed Bruce’s shoulder.

 

Bruce looks up to his ward in a knowing stare and Dick squint his eyes at his dad knowing what he would say and trying to stop him “Batman doesn’t have a break.” Bruce said it anyway.

 

Yeah yeah Batman this Batman that, so uptight. Dick knows being Batman is important, and Batman itself in form and name is important to Bruce… but still, There’s a mere human being behind Batman, and that human being has a family.

 

“I know, but Bruce Wayne has a family that misses him, so don’t get cooped up in here too long kay?” Dick patted Bruce’s shoulder before exiting the Batcave via grandfather clock.

 

That’s when Dick finally let the twinge in his chest goes deeper to his heart and roams, taking over. The casual smile fell, he tried to save himself from that whirl of negativity. Jason is fine, he’s doing well, believe in Alfred, he’s alive, that’s what mattered. Yet Dick missed him still, so he goes to the only place where he could feel Jason’s presence, his old room.

 

Just like how he left it when he was 15. Jason’s room is like a mini library of his own. Hamlet, Shakespeare, romances, thrillers, dictionary, even pop up books, Jason loved them all. Dick reached under his bed for Jason’s frequent books and find it missing. Dick felt a little bit at loss now, whenever he visits the Manor he always spent a few hours reading Jason’s book, imagining what he must’ve felt reading them, the little wrinkle on the books are Jason’s presence, and now they’re gone. Alfred must’ve given them to Jason for his birth day, the old man won’t remove them otherwise.

 

Now, Dick doesn’t know what to do. He knows that he gets overboard here, he misses Jason, but it’s not like Jason is his only sibling. He loves Tim, and Barbara, and Stephanie, and Cass, Dick just… misses Jason.

 

Misses the snark comments, misses showing Jason’s his favorite movies and have him point out the flaws and the cheesiness in them, misses having him in the kitchen helping Alfred actually stealing the recipes, misses his disses on Bruce, misses his voice as he read him to bed. Yup, child Jason reads teenager Dick to sleep sometimes, and he swears Jason is the one gaining amusement of it more than Dick.

 

He wonder’s if Jason is still angry with the whole family, wondering if he knew there’s a few more addition in the Bat family, wonder if Jason still care at all, or just like he said, he’s done with them.

 

God, Dick wishes Jason called, he just wanted to hear his voice. He misses him, that it hurts so much, he loved Jason, yet Dick cannot unsee the little angry bird in Jason.

 

Dick breath in, unclenching his fist that he didn’t know has formed till numb. Patting away his moist eyes and slightly on his cheeks.

 

He can’t do this now, this is a family gathering, he needs to cheer up. He’ll trust Jason to Alfred.

 

 

++++

 

 

Jason was teaching a few kids how to read, while Markus on the other end of the room teaching the older kids how to count and do simple math, and Mbah Aliya sitting in the room with them while crafting with beads instead of doing it outside like she used to, because it was raining. There’s a soft knock on the door, the sound was deluded by the heavy pour.

 

Jason will never know what to expect whenever there’s an unexpected knock. So, he peeked from the windows first and found a girl in her teens with wet clothes and black hair sticking to her stoic face. She noticed Jason seeing her from the windows and looked in wonder. Jason squints at her face before rolling his eyes.

 

He opened the door, doesn’t mean he’s letting her in. The girl pointed at her mouth, asking for food, and believe that Jason still have plenty of left over in this house, but he blocked the door, not having any of her shit.

 

“You wanted food?” Jason teased, and she nods while holding her stomach.

 

“Then ask your new billionaire daddy some food then, _Cassandra Cain._ ” As soon as that name is said, the girl stare with widen eyes, “What? You didn’t I don’t know what you looked like? I did a background check as soon as Alfred told me the bat adopted a few more.” Jason had a condescending smirk on his face.

 

“Now, what does a new member of the bat cult want to do with an ex member like me?”

 

“Todd? Who is it?” Mbah Aliya walk up to them and spotted the we girl on her doorstep, holding her stomach, and cue a fake tremble, that fake!

 

“Oh, poor girl! Todd! You’re blocking her way? Let her in!” Mbah hurried to their side and smack Jason on the bicep and the boy grumbled.

 

“But Mbah she’s—” Jason was shoved to the side.

 

“As far as I remember this is my house Todd.” The old woman pouts “Now scoop to the side and let the poor girl in! Oh she’s cold!” Mbah Aliyah pulled Cass in, which the younger girl replied with a sweet smile, oh now she’s smiling.

 

“You must be hungry! I’m gonna heat up some soup for ya.” Mbah Aliya turned around to the kitchen as fast as her skinny legs could take her.

 

Jason sneer, looking down to the small girl, still stoic on her face. She maybe a little girl that couldn’t talk and trained to kill and all that shit, but Jason did not feel empathy, why should he? She already has the Bat cult to do that for her, why the fuck is she here to ruin what Jason had left.

 

“Todd, could you please prepare a warm bath for her? And please fetch her some dry clothes.” Mbah Aliya shouted from the kitchen.

 

Jason pressed his lips, “Look I don’t know what you’re up to, playing as a poor child and knock on my crib, but I expect you to get out of here as soon as you’re done playing your little game.”

 

Jason then lead her to the bathroom and Cass followed him like a little duckling.  Jason left his clothes for Cass while she’s still in the bathroom, his clothes because none of the kids’ would fit her. Jason goes back to teaching the children to read.

 

Cassandra joined them in the room with Mbah Aliya after a few minutes. She’s wearing Jason’s sweater and sweat which clearly is too big for her. The sweats reached the floor, each stpe she takes is doing the floor some cleaning, and her hands disappeared behind the sleeves.

 

The kids gave her a curious stare.

 

“Is she a new kid here?”

 

“No way, she’s not a kid, she’s old, like Marcus.”

 

“Hey! I’m not old!” Marcus exclaimed.

 

Cass sit over Jason’s read and write circle. As much as Jason wanted to kick her out, it’s still raining outside and it wont look good now would it? If only they knew that they’re basically one room with a killer trained by the league of assassin, wait, make that two people.

 

“What’s your name?” said one of the kids, curious and friendly enough to scoot over to the new _temporary_ addition.

 

Cass smiled, cheerful in her eyes, and in thought, she opened her mouth, but no voice came out.

 

“My dear, you can’t speak?” Mbah Aliya leaned away from her chair, putting a hand on Cass shoulder and the younger shook her head with the most carefree smile.

 

Cass find a nearby book, and pointed in order, C-A-S-S. Jason raised his brows, wonder why she’s telling them her real name, but oh well.

 

“It’s nice to meet you Cass!” The child glued to her cheer, “Everyone, this is Cass!” everyone says hi back in their own way before returning to what they were doing.

 

“Well, at least we know she can read, can you write?” Jason asked, and Cass shook her head again.

 

“Teach her then Papa Todd!” Jason cringed when he saw Cass finally smiles brightly like one of the kids. Why the fuck should he when Batman could provide her the best teacher from all over the globe.

 

“What a splendid idea! Would you like to be taught dear Cass?” Mbah Aliya have one of that big smile on her face that always play with Jason’s feelings, she’s like a grandma he never had, and dammit she’s into Cass’ act, if it is an act.

 

Jason knew this chic is playing with him, there has to be some kind of hidden plot she’s scheming. That’s what Jason logically thinks, yet her lost kitten face, the pure curiousness literally stapled on her face made him think, ‘She’s a literally just a kid’. It’s either that this Cass is not as deadly as Alfred told him, or League of Assassin made their product better.

 

“Fine.” Jason glared to the excited teenager, now looking at Jason like some innocent kitten, and Jason squint. He’s onto her, but for now, he’s going to play along, since Mbah Aliya is happy.

 

Jason turned to his circle of 3 kids “Now it’s time for tasks. I want you to write all the alphabets, from A to Z on this book, and fill the questions until page 3.” The kids gathered the books from the shelf and grab their pencils, “Yes Papa Todd~~” They said in unison.

 

Now, how to deal with this strange killer, a killer teaching a mute killer how to speak, while they hide their identity from the people they live with, isn’t that something. Jason sit crossed legged across Cass and she mimics his posture. Mbah Aliya had her kind eyes over them, and Marcus kept glancing over too, curious. Let’s just get this play over with.

 

“Sit up straight and relax.” Jason instructed, and Casss did just that.

 

“Now, breath… and I want you to hum, like this, hmmmmmm.” Jason put on an example, and Cass followed well, it’s good, means Cass has vocal cords.

 

“Good, now, do a voice like this, eeeeeeeeeeee, as long as you can, follow the for of my lips, one, two, three, eeeeeeee”

 

“eeeeeeeeeeee” Cass followed perfectly, Jason keep notes that Cass actually can produce voice.

 

“Now, can you say my name? Todd.” Jason tried to show the movement of his lips, and Cas visibly wrinkled her eyebrows.

 

“Haaat.”

 

“Look at my mouth, observe the movement of my lips, teeth and tongue, Todd.”

 

Cass tried to follow, part her lips and put her tongue between her teeth, “THOOOOOOOOT”,

 

Marcus held back a laugh, knowing what Cass just said. Ok that sound like something else that would make him whoop her across the room, but he won’t, not here anyway, “Okay, like that but with less breath. Todd.” Jason said a little quicker.

 

“Todd.” She said in a quiet voice.

 

“That’s right.”

 

Mbah Aliya is clapping, smiling at Jason with pride in her eyes, “You did it Jason! Oh, you’re so wonderful dear boy.”

 

Jason is not smiling, on purpose, it’s just that something about an old lady smile that’s infectious okay? For once Jason does feel proud of himself too, he just taught a mute how to speak, and it doesn’t matter if it’s one of the bat members, he will bask in the accomplishment if he can.

 

Now that Jason knew that Cass actually have a voice and lacks in the literally everything else. Breath control, moving around her tongue and lips, Jason have a lot of work to do, or maybe not at all. After this, he’s gonna talk to Cass about leaving him the fuck alone.

 

 

+++++++++++++++

 

 

It’s suspicious at first, but now Jason is having second thoughts. Is this REALLY Cassandra Cain? Assassin trained from birth by the League of Assassin to perfection and to be entrusted to guard the live of its leader, a 500 years old demon, or is she just another orphan Bruce found on the street?

 

Right now, Cass is wasting Jason’s chowder by smearing it on Connor, and the kid smeared it back.

 

“Ay ay ay! don’t waste your food! Food goes inside you mouth not as a face mask!” Jason scolded, pointing his ladle at both of that rascal. They both giggled, and Jason just squinted his eyes at Cass for a hundreds time by now, before pouring himself a serving of chowder.

 

“Hoooood.” Cass tried to say, pointing at her bowl while looking at Jason for validation.

 

“Food. Put your upper teeth on your bottom lip, to make an f sound.”

 

“Fffffff, Ffffoood, food.”

 

Jason nods, and watched Cass smiling so happily, and Jason has never been so confused. Cass can play house now, as long as the kids and Mbah allowed it then Jason’ll play nice, but he got his eye on her.

 

The kids went home after dinner, some stayed, and Mbah is already tucked into bed, now there’s only Cass and Jason. Now, it’s time for some real talk, maybe not talk, you know, with Cass only knowing a few words, some real communications. God, Jason didn’t know how to put this.

 

“Why are you here Cass?” that’s a good start, wasn’t it?  


Cass pointed on her eyes and then at Jason.

 

“You wanted to see me?” Cass nods, well, that’s oddly understandable.

 

“And why on earth did you want to see me.” Cass only shrugged, “So you’re just curious huh?” Cass nods again, Jason is still baffled how he could understand her, but whatever, Jason will call it lucky.

 

“So you’re curious about the has been vigilante, the bad egg on the robin franchise, the one killed by the joker and come back alive revived by none other than your boss, Talia, to kill the Joker himself. I have to say, I do sound interesting if you put it that way, but it’s nothing a hack to the batcomputer can’t tell. Or you could’ve asked Bruce nicely, bet he’ll tell you, he’ll give you the world, you’re just so precious huh?” Jason’s tone grows darker in each word, and Cass seems unfazed, those deep blackhole eyes observing Jason’s soul.

 

Jason knew when there’s a favorite in the family, Alfred has been speaking so high and mighty of her, and how much attached Bruce is to her, like her own literal blood daughter.

 

“I don’t believe you’re here because you’re curious. I know you probably could beat me to pulp, you could kill me and I wouldn’t mind, tell me what you really want, or we could do this the hard way.” Jason towered above the curious stare, and Cass was not intimidated.

 

Cass steps forward as sure as ever and put a gentle hand on Jason’s chest. Jason consider himself a Cass translator expert for the last 4 minutes and he can’t believe what he thinks Cass means. Seeing Jason did not speak at all, Cass put another gentle pat on his chest.

 

“You wanted to see who I am? As a person?” Cass nods in glee, and Jason rolled his eyes, “God you’re a sap, you must’ve been spending too much time with Dick.”

 

Cass looked around, seemingly not finished saying what she wanted, and found the dolls from Barbara on his desk. She takes everyone except for Jason in her arms, make sure that Jason sees her gesture, and then she grabbed Red Hood doll, along with everyone in her tight hug.

 

“I’m not going back, never you hear me? I’m not trusting my life in the hands of the people that clearly loves justice more than my life.”

 

Cass shook her head, she pats Jason’s chest again, and hug the dolls, making Jason winced, “I’m not returning to them Cass, in any form.” Jason put on a firm voice, trying to make it clear to her, he hates it so much when people tried to make him do what he already decides and stick to.

 

Yet she tried again, now only holding the Nightwing doll.

 

“What about him?” and Cass continue to hug the Red Hood doll and rocks it like a baby, Jason rolled his eyes.

 

“He’s always like that, he misses everyone.

 

A little bit more violently, Cass shook her head, frustrated, and hugged the Red Hood doll more closely, now kissing the top of the doll’s head. Jason knows what that means, but kinda don’t want to admit it, so his only respond was a really dumb “What?”

 

Cass squint her eyes, she knows Jason gets her already, he’s just being in denial. Cass pointed at Jason’s face and then he hugged the Nightwing doll the same way she just expressed how she hugged Red Hood doll. Jason felt his face burns.

 

“I—how did you! I…” Cass cut him off by shoving the Nightwing doll to his chest.

 

Jason held it, and Cass leaned her head, while holding Jason’s fingers.

 

“ _Please don’t go Jason._ ” Even after more than a year he could hear the voice so clearly in his head.

 

“ _Please don’t go Mom._ ” Jason held her body in his scrawny arms.

 

He remembered that moment, regretted it as ever. He used to hate her for being a user, loving those illegal substance more than him. Jason remembered hating her, but had tried to keep her alive, get her to quit, so he shoo her dealers, to only see her depressed and kill herself.

 

What Dick had said to him hits close to home, too close. Wondering now if his pride worth the regret if one of them… if one of them are gone. Dick is swinging hundreds of feet off the ground, getting beat up and fighting top ranked criminals, none of them get to live long.

 

Jason felt his head shrinks, sitting down to his bed while Cass let him go and sit beside him. What to do, oh, what to do. If what Cass is implying is true, then wouldn’t meeting Dick is the best option? Or maybe it’s better to leave things be, let them forget each other. Jason really… really don’t want to have anything to do with the bat cult, but selfishly taking Alfred’s time, the presents, and the curious black bat visiting him, Jason knows the past always catches him on.

 

Yeah, the past is a clingy bitch. Seems like Jason can’t run forever.

 

 

++++++

 

 

“Where did you get that from?” Barbara was in the manor, visiting, and hoarding Alfred’s cake when she saw Cass lounging on the family room, playing with the Red Hood doll.

 

Dick was there too, he’s the one pushing Barbara’s chair, thinking it was cute that Cass is playing with Red hood doll despite never meeting him, but hearing how serious her voice is, the joy fell.

 

Cass smirked playfully and stuck out her tongue before turning her face around, ignoring them. Seeing Barbara frowned so deeply, Dick was amused.

 

“Damn, Babs, if you want a doll that much I’ll make you one.”

 

“First of all, you can’t make a doll even if you learned your whole life.”

 

“Hey….”

 

“Second of all, I made that doll, and I gave it to Alfred, to give to Jason for his birthday.”

 

Dick’s smile fell, looking at the indifferent girl with widen eyes. Dick was not angry, disbelieve yes, but most of all, he’s jealous. This is not fair.

 

“You followed Alfred, didn’t you?” Dick has his arms crossed his chest, acting like a pouty kid, “If Cass could meet Jason then I want it too!” Dick has his eyes on Alfred that’s just now joining them.

 

“You go on and do that sir. For your information I did not help Miss Cassandra at all, nor do I notice she was following me, so I will not be hold accountable for helping you.”

 

Dick glared at them, no he’s not angry at them, just frustrated. He begged Alfred to go with him, he held himself from going because he’s afraid of making Jason hates him, and then Cass just stroll in with Jason’s doll in her hands like nothing. Dick let out a frustrated sigh before leaving the room, to the hall ways where he’s about to do something he had been itching to do, hacking the batcomputer.

 

He knew Batman already knew about Jason’s whereabout, just not saying anything or not daring to go bother Jason himself, typical him.

 

Dick was stopped in his place when he felt his phone vibrates and see the familiar number on the screen. He gasped, hand trembling before he could finally slide the green phone icon.

 

“Jay?”

 

“Hey Dickie bird.”

 

And then silence. Jason couldn’t say anything while Dick gritted his teeth, holding back his sob.

 

 

++++++++++++

 

 

“If you’re doing what I think you’re doing then I’m hanging up.”

 

“Wha-- What do you think I was doing?” Dick cleared his throat, successfully holding an even tone.

 

“Crying.”

 

“I didn’t!!”

 

Jason humms sarcastically, “M-Hm…” Dick could practically see him raising an eyebrow, god he misses him.

 

“Fine, I did, okay?” Dick confessed, “Can’t blame me, I thought you’ll never…”

 

He goes to his room, sitting there when he noticed Jason couldn’t say anything, and neither is Dick. The more the silence lingers, the more Dick felt his accumulated thoughts reaching out. Dick had been positive, that he knew Jason would finally reach out to him, that Alfred’s nurturing hen personality will make Jason come back.

 

But it’s been a year, and Dick thought he finally lost all hope. Until Cass came back today and Dick felt jealous, and Jason called and make him hope again.

 

“It’s been one fucking year Jason.” Dick slipped a wet chuckle in between, but Jason didn’t laugh back.

 

“I know.”

 

Dick waited for Jason to continue, but seems like that’s it, “What? You’re not gonna say sorry?”

 

“Because I’m not.”

 

“Oh, you’re pushing all of us away while you let Cass meet you hm? You never even seen her before, and I’m closer to you, don’t tell me you’re still angry at me!”

 

Jason didn’t say anything, and then suddenly laughed, “Are you jealous?”

 

“I am!” Dick raised his voice, exasperated, desperate, and finally guilt, “I’m sorry Jason, for everything. We didn’t replace you, I swear, nothing could replace you—"

 

“It’s not about that Dick.”

 

“Then I’m sorry that—that we didn’t avenge you? I-I… you can’t blame me for not having the same—I dunno—moral compass as you? It doesn’t mean that—”

 

“I know Dick.”

 

Dick didn’t know what else to say then. He imagined a day like this, where Jason finally called. He imagined Jason would play some kind of game, or just bark at him and blame him for everything, and Dick was prepared to accept Jason’s anger. Dick prepared an apology, and reasoning, but it seems like things didn’t go as he predicted.

 

Jason sounds so calm, and Dick did not know what else to say.

 

“Then comeback Jason…” Dick found himself saying, “… please, if you really forgive us.”

 

“I’ve forgiven you for a long time now, doesn’t mean I want to comeback.”

 

“The why are you seeing Alfred, letting Cass see you…” _and not me_ , the word stuck on his throat.

 

“Yeah… that’s my fault.” Jason say softly, Dick has never heard his voice like that, he’s just happy. It sounds like Jason is living.

 

Dick wiped his face, feeling embarrassed to himself, “So I can’t meet my cute little brother anymore?” he sings out, there’s sarcasm on Dick’s voice, and literally pain.

 

Jason fell silent again, before finally sighed, “No, but you can meet Todd Pennyworth.”

 

Dick felt a whack of a hammer in his chest, owlishly blinking, “Changed my name, shacked up with an old lady and a couple of kids, not mine though, mind you.” Jason said again when Dick remained silent.

 

“I’ll take you in any form Jay. I…” _No, not now, not ever_ he corrected himself, “You’re more than just my legally adoptive brother Jason… you’re my friend, best friend, you’re Jay.”

 

His little wing, no matter what.

 

“Then come over.”

 

“What?”

 

“Come over with Alfred, or with Cass even, I don’t care, just tell me first.” Jason held no doubt in his voice and Dick gaped like a fish, processing if what Jason is saying what he’s saying.

 

“Yeah, that’ll be pretty tight.”

 

“Cool.”

 

None of them said anything after that, yet none of them hang up, or saying goodbye. So the silence stretches, until it hits breaking point Jason’s the one to do it.

 

“I heard the bat is taking in more orphans, he’s running an orphanage now?”

 

Dick scoffed “Man, you would not believe the riot in this place.”

 

Dick explained, how one by one of them joined the family, leaving the private details of course. Telling him embarrassing stories, gossips, and funny accidents. For once Jason listened in, laugh, no envy at all.

 

 

+++++++++++

 

 

Jason said goodbye to the last child leaving Mbah’s home.

 

“You better practice more of those exercises, I want to see progress the next time you’re back.” Jason said before waving off to Cass.

 

She’s learning rapidly, it’s not surprising of course, just a little bit weird why none of the bat cult teach her yet, or even hire a teacher. They probably did, and Cass just wanted an excuse to meet Jason on a daily basis, he doesn’t have a problem with that, not anymore. Though it’s weird, with the phone call last time, he thought Cass will come with Dick, but she didn’t. Well, whatever.

 

Jason checked in with the kids, there’s only a handful that stayed. He checks in on Mbah’s room, and found the elderly yet again slept with something half-done on her hands, this time is her beads craft. Jason put it away slowly, lay her head down from the headboards to the pillow and tuck her in.

 

Jason had plans for tonight, but things got switched up when Marcus was not sleeping over. It’s one of the rare time when Marcus’ folks are him and the boy seems so excited to spend the night with them. The folks are not bad, just got tangled in some bad shit, but Jason has no right to judge them, Marcus is one of the luckier kids for not being _intentionally_ neglected. Jason got no heart to make him stay, so change of plans.

 

Early morning after making breakfast, Jason took off, leaving a note on the fridge that he’ll be back later in the afternoon.

 

He doesn’t have his motorcycle with him, he left them at his safe house. Jason is going to going to Gotham via train after grabbing a few cash from his Metropolis safe house.

 

Jason saw the building is now closed, about to be teared down, his old apartment. It’s been on sale for a while and there’s a big red “SOLD” over it. Over its fences were new additions of banners saying ‘Property of Howard Lang’ whoever that is, and barb wires to keep people out.

 

Heh, that’s some weak-ass move, like a lanky thin barb wires could keep the homeless from a roof.

 

And Jason was right, he spotted a few homeless inside, some sleeping in the hallways, some squatting in an open room when the doors are fragile enough for them to barge in. Jason still have the lock to this place, he only wishes the door is still sturdy. It is, Jason felt a little relieved.

 

He opened the door, it creaks the same melody it has for years. The place barely has any furnishing. It’s not because people steal it, no, it’s been like this since Jason left it. They have no beds, no chairs or tables, kitchen utensils are scarce, and barely any clothing necessities. Jason’s mom sold it all for her daily shots.

 

They only have one mattress, which Jason’s mom always occupies almost never moving from it, until he eventually dies there. Jason kneeled in front of the mattress, it was in the middle of the room where the light from the window shines on it. Jason thought the good lighting would cheer her up. What a dumb brat he was.

 

He founds her on the bathroom, rash on the back of her elbow and a needle on her other hand. It was a usual scene for Jason. He already stopped all the dealers from coming, hid all the money from his mother, yet it didn’t work, didn’t make her stop, didn’t make her go back to be a normal mother for Jason. So, he’s been ignoring her, thinking she’ll come looking but no, she never did that at all.

 

In the times where Jason ignores her, he provides, in ways he can. Most of them are petty theft that sometimes ended with him turn black and blue, and food on the plate.

 

One day he was beaten up so bad, but he got enough money to finally go groceries shopping, feeling proud of himself. Imagine how disappointed he was when he found his mother on the bathroom, using again. Jason ignored her and left her there, where he usually wakes her up immediately after spotting her.

 

Jason made dinner, eat by himself, and read a few pages of the books that she didn’t sell yet. She didn’t step out from the bathroom at all. Jason peeked in thinking she’ll be curled up on the murky tiles, but she was in the same exact position, and that’s when Jason has a bad feeling.

 

He shook her shoulders, to find the skin is ice cold and her completely limp. The skin is pale, but it’s not unusual, she’ always pale. Jason screamed, cried, calling out to her, as his tiny ass dragged her body to the mattress. Her eyes slightly parted, looking up to the ceiling in an empty gaze. The image never leaving Jason’s mind, and it’s getting clearer and clearer like a hallucination, as clear as his nightmares of his death.

 

She’s laying right in front of him, those dead greying eyes on him.

 

“Jason.” She smiled, hands reaching out to him, Jason knew it’s just his mind making shit up, but he didn’t care, he indulge himself when it’s his mother.

 

“Hey mom.” Jason returned the smile and held her hand, it’s there, but barely any warmth at all.

 

“Why are you here Jason?” her voice weak, hoarse, as her chapped lips barely moves, just like how he remembers it, “I thought you left me, thought you didn’t love me anymore, I deserved it, I do, I was not your biological mother, I was selfish… I just wanted you to live.”

 

‘Lived’ Jason correct it mentally, “Don’t say that… I love you, you know that. I wouldn’t have stick by your death bed if I didn’t.” Jason put her bony hands up to his face, kissing he knuckles, it’s there, but he felt nothing.

 

He knew, Jason’s mom wanted to save him, and it would’ve been touching if he became a decent mother, but she falls in the middle of trying. Jason didn’t know if he should be grateful or not when he learned that she begged his biological mother for not doing abortion, and wanted to take Jason in, a child from her husband’s side chick.

 

The info did not reach his ear until he’s literally seconds from his death. His biological mother was crying in the corner, shouting.

 

 _“--should’ve aborted you while I have the chance! Should’ve stabbed my stomach when your dad knock me up!—”_ and Jason can’t say he didn’t agree with her now.

 

“I only have one mom, the one that raised me, and that’s you.”

 

Jason rubbed her palms, but he didn’t feel anything yet again.

 

“That doesn’t answer my question Jason, why are you here?” she repeated, a bit firmer this time.

 

Jason put her hand on his heart, “I have a guess, but who cares right? You’re here, I’m here, aren’t you happy to see me?”

 

And she smiled, must be from an old memory, but Jason glad he remembered to see it again, “I’m always happy that you’re with me, I never get to say it, but I’m happy I have you in my life Jason.”

 

That’s all Jason needed, the reason why he always comes back, to hear those words again from the most important people he no longer has. Gives him a little hope, added a little more to his strength to live.

 

With that as her last word today, his mother went back to bed, eyes on the ceiling again, into the distance she stares.

 

Jason stayed as long as he can, just looking at her breathing slowly, while her hands only seemingly clenching Jason’s. He never seen her hand so small in his.

 

Jason has come to accept it, that his memories have come alive, living here with him and his reality. Yes, the Joker had been driving him insane, but with memories like this, in this calm morning with his mom, just a little bit, Jason pulled through.

 

Then she eventually leaves, faded with the blaring light. It’s noon, and Jason needs to prepare lunch.

 

 

++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

The kids were excited when they finally meet Alfred. Jason might’ve hyped up the kids a bit, saying he brought a lot of cookies and going to bake cookies. Jason was bluffing, he really didn’t know that he was sending a telepathic message that now Alfred is literally doing just that. The kids are tossing around a big jar of cookies and share them around as soon as they get their hand on them, and Alfred is prepping to make them cake, and chicken steak. Mbah Aliya is having the time of her life. All of them are, well except for one.

 

Someone is still out side, has been fidgeting in the middle of the sidewalk, keep peeking in from the windows.

 

Jason scoffed and shook his head, “Hey stanger!”. He slams the door wide open, going over to the dumb founded man staring at him.

 

“Well, do you want to come in, or you wanted to be a street sign and stay here Dick”

 

Jason did not know where he just got that confidence. He just misses the dude a lot, and now he’s here, all shy and wide eyed, with a face that never even changed, even a wrinkle.

 

Wearing his worn thin sky blue hoodie under his dark jeans jacket. His usually short hair now grown like a mop of jet black hair, framing his perfect face, making his striking blue eyes popped even more. Dick just stood there, gaping like a fish with those eyes not moving away from Jason at all. Jason felt the confidence in him disperse by the second.

 

“Dick? You okay?” Jason approached closer and stopped when Dick finally smiled so wide that his eyes completely gone.

 

“Jay…” his voice croaks, he was running with open arms before he quickly retracted them.

 

Jason smiled at that, and open his own arms to Dick’s surprise, “C’mere” Jason ushered Dick to come over.

 

“C-can I really?”

 

“I’ve been practicing, the kids are grabby, now c’mere before I --- Ouf”

 

Dick lunged in before Jason could complete his sentence. Dick’s arms went under Jason’s arms, wrapping his torso reasonably tight, a careful gesture from him. Jason leaned down, carefully wrapping his arms around Dick’s back.

 

Breath in. Breath out. Breath in. Jason’s nose is right on top of Dick’s head, and he smelled like the sun, like the fresh air, like sweat. Nothing at all like the tight wooden box. Dick smelled like the outside, like life itself.

 

Jason found himself leaning towards the touch, yet still carefully, occasionally extending his elbows to know there’s a lot of space surrounding him. They stayed a few seconds, a few seconds too long.

 

“Have enough?” Jason chuckeld, and Dick shook his head. Jason had thought Dick was playing around, but the grip on Jason’s back is still as tight, and Dick started sobbing.

 

“Hey… why are you crying now Dick?” Jason patted Dick’s back, trying to comfort him, feeling like he’s done wrong. Why is Dick crying this time??

 

Dick just needed a few seconds before letting go, wiping his face, and Jason looked down to his collar, now have a big wet patch from all that tears. Jason really wanted to know why Dick is crying, but refrain it, knowing maybe it’s just Dick being his emotional self.

 

Dick looked at Jason up and down, “God, you look so old.”

 

Jason gasped, “Excuse me??”

 

“Who told you to have so much beef!” Dick poked on Jason’s stomach and Jason barely flinch, “Hard beef!” Dick exclaimed, making Jason red.

 

“It’s hard beef of power!” Jason blurt out.

 

“You’re still a kid!”

 

“I am legally an adult now, since I just turned 21 thank you very much!”

 

“Oh yea.” The light in Dick’s face changed, smiling softly before wrapping Jason into another hug, a bit more slowly and careful this time.

 

“Happy birthday Jason” He whispered so lightly against Jason’s skin, sending little tickles on his nervous system.

 

Jason chuckled, “A bit late for that Dickie.” He patted him on the back, and Dick pulled back.

 

“Better late than never!” Dick look up from where he’s standing, a sight Jason need to get used to, has Dick shrunk or does Jason really grown that fast?

 

Jason smiled before he could catch it, “Thanks…” Jason looked away, from those blue eyes for a while, stumbling back.

 

“Let’s get inside, I’ll show you around.” Jason cock his head to Mbah’s house and Dick followed, “You get the gist right?” Jason say again.

 

Dick nods, “You’re Todd, I’m Dick Grayson, but lay off the Wayne Ward, we’re friends, and Alfred’s your long lost foster dad?”

 

“Yup. Perfect.”

 

Jason opened the door, greeted by a couple of boys running towards them. Jason held a hand out to move Dick behind him, and the man tucked comfortably on Jason’s back.

 

“Hey!! Watch it! Eyes on the road!” Jason sceamed at the two boys playing planes and flying supers.

 

“Yes Papa Todd!” They both shout back before running on the sidewalk.

 

“I thought you were kidding when you told me over the phone, they -pffft- they really call you Papa Todd.” Dick snickered, and Jason rolled his eyes on him.

 

“Yeah, stubborn kids, can’t change their mind now.”

 

They finally enter the house, finding Alfred and Mbah Aliya in the kitchen in the middle of cooking.

 

“Mbah?” Jason called, and the old lady turned around to immediately meet Dick’s eyes, “This is a friend of mine…”

 

“Dick Grayson.” Dick stepped in first and extended his hands, but Mbah Aliya smiled and open her arms instead, and Dick went for the hug.

 

“Oh my! Pleasure to meet another pretty face, I’m Aliya Puspita Sari, or just Mbah Aliya.” Mbah Aliya exclaimed, “Jason! How come you’ve know these fiiiiiine men and not telling me a single thing about them from the start!” Mbah Aliya eying dick from top to toe, and Dick already used to that, but then Mbah Aliya looked at Alfred the same way. Blinking flintily at the butler, even though Alfred is using his casual clothes now.

 

Alfred replied the smile, “I’d say you’re just as exquisite Madame.”

 

“Oh! I can never get tired of those British accent, does this one speaks British too?” Mbah Aliya asked Jason, pointing at Dick.

 

“Sorry, born and bred in America.” Dick shrugged, taking Mbah Aliya’s hand treating it like a Queen’s, “But I could be anything you want dear.” Dick put his best British accent and kiss the back of her hand.

 

And what do you expect, Mbah Aliya squealed like a little girl kissed by one direction.

 

“Okay-okay that’s enough.” Jason put his hands between them, “Me and Dick will be upstairs, yell if you need me.” Jason pull Dick by the shoulder.

 

Mbah Aliya was muttering about Jason being a cheapskate. Dick just laughed at Jason for being flustered at an old lady hitting on him.

 

Jason passed the laundry room, and noticed it full of clothes inside the machine, and the damp ones is still in the basket, not hung yet. Jason made a turn, completely forgetting that Dick is following him. Jason muttered a ‘what the hell?’ before screaming “MARCUS!”

 

“Marcus left.” A girl popped from the door, before disappearing again.

 

“Marcus?” Dick asked.

 

“A kid, that supposed to hang these as soon as he’s done.” Jason sighed, and grabbed another empty basket to empty the one in the machine.

 

Dick automatically grabbed the full one, “Let me help!”

 

“Sure, you can help hanging them.”

 

With a basket full of clothes, they went upstairs to the roof where there are still clothes hanged there by the strings attached from the fences. Jason just noticed a group of kids in there playing jump ropes, which Jason quickly told them to scram.

 

“Hey! What do I tell you guys about playing jump ropes on the roof!”

 

“We’re not playing near the fence!” A boy intrudes, stomping his feet.

 

“That’s what Karl said last week, and he broke the fence and fall!” Jason raised his voice, the kids were not even slightly stunned, despite Jason looked a little scary like that if Dick might say. Oh yeah, Dick is still here btw.

 

“Look, I just don’t want any of you falling okay? So either change your game, or you go down stairs.”

 

“Yee~~s Papa Todd.” They grumble and turn their backs on him, they then huddled together, and decide to go down stair.

 

“What did I just witness!” Dick exclaimed with shit eating grin on his face.

 

Just then Jason realized Dick is with him, and honestly, he didn’t know how to answer that.

 

“That’s really cute Jay.”

 

Jason scoffed, “You haven’t seen them fight, cry, and hear what they’ve been through.” Jason’s voice sounds grim on the last point. Putting down the basket full of damp laundry, Jason grabbed an empty one by the mini garden.

 

Dick looked for some drying clips, “Oh yeah, those kids, you said they’re not yours.”

 

“They’re street kids, they’re not orphans if that’s what you’re curious about.” Well, it’s one of them, “They seek refuge here, if they felt unsafe in their homes, sometimes they slept over.”

 

Dick hums in understanding. Feeling a little relieved that this is what Jason has been doing. He’s doing good.

 

“That’s so nice of you J--Todd…” Dick spread the sheet across the wire, and Jason hanged the clothes in clothes hanger and hanged them on the fences.

 

“Mbah Aliya already gave them shelter in the first place, now that you think about it, I’m one of those kids looking for shelter, and I just help around.” Jason shrugged.

 

“Then I’m glad you found this place, it’s… nice, and you seem…” Dick takes in a breath, his eyes looked at where Jason is, where he looked back at Dick when the pause became too long.

 

“You seem calmer.” Dick continued, smiling at Jason, which replied with a twitch of his mouth, before Jason went back to hang the rest of the clothes.

 

“I am.” Jason replied.

 

Dick goes back to his share of laundry too, “I heard you’re teaching Cass talk.”

 

“Yeah, just popped out of nowhere, was about to whoop her ass out. But everyone treats her like they’re one of them, so I went along. I have no idea why she grows on me.” Oh Jason knows exactly why she grows on him, but he never gonna admit that.

 

“First of all, you can never ‘whoop her ass’, she’ll whoop yours first before you could even think of fighting her.”

 

“At least I’ll be whooped trying.”

 

“Second of all, she grows on everybody, and when I say everybody, I meant, E-VE-RY-BO-DY, even Bruce.” Dick caught Bruce name’s a little too late, his eyes warily shift over to Jason, hoping he’s not triggering anything.

 

And he’s not, “I know, Alfred has been sharing me a good portion of information, so the ice has been melted by a deadly teenage girl assassin, who knew that’s all he needed this whole time huh?” There’s no malice in Jason’s voice, but there’s distance, like a third person, and Dick wasn’t sure if that means a good thing or not.

 

“We all need a Cassandra, I love her.” Dick stated, sounding like a brother, Jason caught that quick.

 

“Huh, I might’ve said the same if I’m as sap as you.”

 

“You do love her, be honest, you taught her how to talk, even Barbara is surprised that Cass suddenly spoke a word, Babs been giving her vocal therapy.”

 

Barbara. At the word Jason felt his chest shrunk. Jason misses her, he wanted to admit that, but… there’s always pride in the way. Why is Babs different than Alfred or even Dick? She was his best friend back in the Robin days, still is maybe… the only evidence that Babs still want to have something to do with him was that letter, and the dolls she makes him. So yeah, Jason misses Barbara, hope she’s okay and all, yet to ask that is so hard somehow.

 

“I don’t know why she goes to me for lessons, if she already got Babs to do it.”

 

“Cass just wanted to see you, she asked us first about you, since your suit is still hanged in the Batcave.”

 

“She knows everything I’ve done?”

 

Dick notice the weight on Jason’s face, was that regret? Was that disappointment perhaps?

 

“I assume so, she got full access of the Batcomputer.”

 

“Yet here she is, sticking to me like a gum under my shoe. Isn’t she the next Batman or something? I think I got to be careful now, I could’ve woken up in jail the next time she slept over.” Jason scoffed.

 

“Cass is… yeah, she understands Bruce the most, something none of us can do,” Jason shrugged and nods, agreeing, “She might understand what Batman’s purpose the most, but she’s not Bruce. She’s Cass, our sweet Cass that see’s all our exterior and sees our heart instead.”

 

Dick popped out from the walls of hanged sheets, and stood beside Jason when he hanged his last piece.

 

“Before you could call me sap, I quoted that from Alfred.”

 

Jason rolled his eyes with a smirk, “You got it from him.”

 

Dick chuckled at that. Now they both standing face to face, not really having any other task, so they just… awkwardly standing together. Dick has his hand fiddling on his lap, lips opening and closing simultaneously, wanting to say something. And Jason patiently waits for it.

 

Dick takes in a big gasp of air before looking up to Jason, “Why me?” Dick asked, “And why now? What made you want to meet me?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

Jason knows, but he doesn’t want to tell,

 

“I guess the gifts you guys gave me reminded me that you still wanted me in your life. I don’t know why but, that’s your deal, I’m not gonna question it.”

 

Lies.

 

“So I’m here, if any of you wanted to make sure I’m alive.”

 

Lying through his fucking teeth. And Dick, that hopeless brother-complex, surprisingly, didn’t buy it.

 

“You’re not answering me.” Dick stepped closer, like it emits lasers, Dick’s stare burns through Jason’s skull, “Why me? Why now?” Dick demanded.

 

“So I won’t have anymore regrets Dick, that’s all I could tell, for now.”

 

Dick isn’t happy with that answer, but seeing Jason’s equal confusion, that’ll do for now.

 

“TODD.” A boy drifting fast and furious style from the stairs and felt so relieved when he saw the clothes are hanged, and only after then he noticed the elephant in the room, a stanger.

 

“Who that?”

 

Jason waved him to come closer, “Marcus, this is Dick.”

 

“Are you on bad terms man? Why are you cursing him right on day one, Marcus.” The boy extended his arms, and Dick took it.

 

“Nah, it’s my name, literally my name is Dick.” Dick smiled prettily, and Marcus eyed Jason with a raise eyebrow, Jason didn’t know what he meant.

 

“Either your parents are old school af or they hate you man.”

 

“Hey… I’m pretty happy with my name! The amount of dick jokes I could tell is—”

 

“Oh no, miss me with those ugly puns, you’re a pun guy aren’t you??”

 

Dick lit up, “How did you know??”

 

Marcus just groaned, little did Dick knows, Jason has been torturing Marcus with ugly puns.

 

“I can’t believe there’s two of you now.”

 

“Two??” Dick eyes Jason with an excited smile and Jason just backed off, “It’s for torture Dick, I’m not doing it for fun, don’t coddle me with you!”

 

“If yall done!” Marcus have his hands on his hips, “Todd, my homework already on your bed, and Alfred told you to go down, it’s lunch time, and don’t blame me if yall aint got a share cuz I’m eating it all!” Marcus then turn around, vanishing as soon as he finished his sentence.

 

“Homework?” Dick raised an eyebrow.

 

“I teach here.”

 

Dick gaped, blinking slowly, “Seems like there’s a lot I don’t know about this Todd…” Dick said playfully, “I would love to know more about him.”

 

If Jason didn’t know better, he would’ve thought Dick was flirting with him. He knew it’s just Dick, but that smirk is playing him. Know what? Two can play that game.

 

“I think he wont mind, if the one asking is such a looker.”

 

“I’m flattered! Do you think he’s free this afternoon for a chat with lil ol’ me?” Dick batted his eyelash, playing along.

 

“For you, there’s no time in his life he wouldn’t spare.”

 

Dick raised an eyebrow, shoving Jason away to hide that he’s blushing, but Jason saw that, and exploded. Head back, mouth wide, the whole block could hear him laugh.

 

“How did you blush with that cheesy ass line! I was a bout to gag and vomit!”

 

“You ass!” Dick throw him some punches, light feather punches, “I can’t wait to meet Todd! He sounds like a wonderful charming prince and I’m stuck with you for hours, ugh!” Dick blow a raspberry on him, and Jason takes a shield from Dick’s saliva.

 

“Ew!! You’re such a kid!”

 

“Stop calling me a kid, kid!”

 

They banter all the way to the kitchen, and true to his words, Marcus was dipping his face on the bowl of Alfred’s raspberry swirl, before even finishing his full plate.

 

 

+++++++++++++++++

 

 

Dick is staying over at Mbah’s to Jason surprise. Alfred is already headed back to Gotham.

 

Dick already had his share of amusement for the day. He witnessed Jason Todd, the angry Red Hood, the ruthless vigilante, the killer of the Joker and almost become the killer of… self, becoming a father of 10-ish children and teach them how to read and count and all that. Marcus, being the oldest has more advanced learning since he wanted to go back to school this year. It wasn’t even an official class, they just came in, and Jason thought whoever wanted to join. It was a view.

 

And Mbah Aliya is such a doll. While Jason and Marcus work with the kids, Dick and Alfred sat with Mbah Aliya as she told stories of her country Indonesia. The stories she told is so painful, about the political view and the social situation, but the view she described is beautiful.

 

The evening fell fast, and dinner by Alfred is finished by the minutes, but the old man makes sure there’s left overs for the kids that couldn’t come today.

 

The night fell faster. The kids went home, and only a handful stayed in, Mbah is already went out like a light. The only one remaining, you guessed it, Dick and Jason, sipping warm tea, sitting on the roof and gazed towards the sky and the grimy walls of the apartments that surrounds them.

 

“What a long day…” Dick sighed after his first sip of hibiscus tea.

 

“Welcome to my life.” Jason chuckled slightly, blowing on his own cup of earl grey tea.

 

The silence stretched ever so comfortably. Cuddled with their thick sweaters, the hot tea, the cold night barely felt by their skin. Sitting closely yet not comfortable enough to touch shoulders, the company of each other is there. Jason is here, Dick is here, yet still there’s a space they’re too afraid to take just to be closer. Jason didn’t feel that, but Dick felt it like a popcorn between his teeth.

 

“Dick?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Not patrolling tonight?”

 

“Nah… already got Spoiler to cover for me, just for today.”

 

“Spoiler, the girl that was a new Robin?” Jason at least knew that much. He knew the updates from Alfred, some from Jason, but only their aliases, not their real name, Jason want none of that, it’s not his business.

 

Dick got tensed, “Yeah um… she was, there’s no Robin now, Robin become Red Robin, and now she’s Spoiler again.”

 

“Man, you guys and your names and symbols, heh….” Jason glance on Dick’s troubled face, “Drop that, pretty face… I don’t care about that anymore, just like I said, I got nothing to do with the Bat and friends anymore.”

 

Dick bitterly smiled at that, “But here I am, and Alfred, and Cass, you still accept us.”

 

Jason sighed, eyes up to the sky that’s almost maroon red because the city lights are just too bright.

 

“Yeah, I did huh?” Jason closed his eyes, taking in the cold air. Opening his eyes, he muses, staring down his cup, then at Dick who’s been staring at him the whole time. Jason himself didn’t knew why he did all this despite disowning them almost 2 years ago. Now Jason tried to find an answer again.

 

“I think it’s luck.” Jason finally settled.

 

Dick raised his eyebrows on the ambiguity, “Luck?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Luck that Alfred give him his number. Luck that Dick hold on to him for those few minutes. Luck that he found Mbah Aliya, these kids, and able to become someone else other than the angry Jason Todd, other than the vengeful Red Hood, to cope with everything. By the days, Jason found his ground again, another ground different than the one he’s born to and the one he was taught to. If they never wanted to meet Jason, that’s fine, but they wanted to, and Jason admits he does like them coming to see him.

 

As long as Jason still meant something to them, then Jason will always be here for them.

 

“Honestly, I don’t know Dick,” Jason lies again, “I just found myself feeling okay about you all, as long as you still wanted to see me, then I will let you. I’d rather not think of why.”

 

Dick tweaked a small smile, “Fair enough, I don’t care why either, I’m just glad I’m here…” Dick tucked his knee to his chest, “I miss you.” He said softly.

 

Jason left an airy chuckle, “Alfred said the same thing the first time I called him.”

 

“Barbara too ya’know? She misses you too.”

 

Jason felt his breath hitched at her name. Does she want to see him too? Ah but the pride is still there, still make the words silent.

 

“Then she’s welcome here too.” Jason blurt out, more gracefully than he thought. His voice was calm, smiling softly, and eyes sincere staring back at Dick’s. It’s luck.

 

Dick smiled back, “What about Tim?” Dick is pushing that luck.

 

Jason just shrugged, “I don’t know why he would, but if he did, I’ll throw in a free punch as revenge.”

 

Dick chuckled at that, “And Bruce?”

 

Dick’s luck runs out as Jason shook his head, “But maybe in time, I could just face him without…” Jason trailed, taking a sip of his tea.

 

“Without?”

 

Jason sighed, “Without feeling like he has control over me, without feeling angry, without feeling like I need his approval anymore.” In each sentence grows louder, stronger as Jason admits, that Bruce does have effect on him, “To face him, and feel like he doesn’t have any effect on me anymore.”

 

He hates it to his gut, that he still seeks that approval. Retched on the throat that he fears of seeing Bruce, his once father. Sick to his stomach that he can’t disperse his anger at the thought of the past, the thought he wanted to let go, yet still latched on. He never forgets a thing, not his revenge, not his disappointment, not his fury. Never forgets about the Joker, and he definitely never forgets about Bruce.

 

Jason just has been pushing them deep down, pretending they’re not there.

 

And Dick could understand that. What Jason has been through is something… definitely bizarre and weird. None of them knew how Jason got back, or where he has been. Who trained him all these years? Who sponsors him? Jason didn’t stay long enough for Bruce to throw those questions to his face, but Dick? Who needs to care about that? Jason’s here, healthy, alive, and there’s nothing more important than that.

 

“And you can do those things Jay…” Dick bump his shoulder to Jason’s, making those lost eyes wander to Dick’s, “I believe you can, you’re not alone anymore, you’ll grow stronger.”

 

Jason lightly gasped, too little to be noticed. His eyes grown wide at that realization. No, no he’s not alone anymore huh?

 

“You got Alfred, you got Cass too I bet. You got Mbah Aliya, the kids here, and Barbara, and me.” Dick smiled at Jason, all teeth shown so proudly, and his eyes crinkle and twinkle. Jason missed that, missed that smile that always seems so happy and carefree, because it’s contagious. Whenever he sees Dick happy, he’s happy, even now, it’s still contagious.

 

“You’ll be fine Jay bird.” Dick dropped his hand on top the back of Jason’s hand and squeeze tight. Jason didn’t swat it away this time, didn’t feel that strange too…things just… went with the flow.

 

Dick looked closer, meaning every word this time, “You’ll be alright Jason.”

 

Jason felt like his breath is gone, getting harder to breath with each pound of his heart. Heat creeping up to his face, his neck, and his chest. He could feel Dick’s calluses on his hand and found himself holding Dick’s hand.

 

 _Thank you_. Yet nothing came out of Jason’s mouth. _Thank you_. But instead of saying anything, Jason tighten his grip on Dick’s hand.

 

His heart jumped even more when Dick leaned his head on Jason’s shoulder. Dick rubbing his thumb on Jason’s finger in comforting circles. Jason couldn’t say anything about this, not even a thank you, just hoping Dick knew by Jason holding his hand back. The sudden intimacy didn’t feel out of place, or weird, or even sudden at all. They talked normally on the phone, and today might’ve been the first time they met after… a long time, but this feels, nice.

 

Jason found himself leaning on top of Dick’s head, face buried on the top his soft mop of hair. Hand holding each other tight, light breaths, and Jason feels all right.

 

He breathes in, and even in the cold night, Dick still smelled like the sun.

 

 

+++++++++++

 

 

The memory is getting old, yet it always gets him on the edge. He in this warehouse again with his comfortable sleepware, curling up next to the tied up younger him. Eye vacantly staring down to the concrete floor, where his shadow casted there, along with the Joker’s beating him up. His laugh, and his own cry of help that didn’t came out of himself.

 

His younger self always asked for his help, he didn’t know what to do to save that Jason, he didn’t see the point either. This is a memory, a scar that he didn’t know how to heal. The moment he chooses to live he knew he’ll have to live with the Joker living in his mind, living with his younger self that blamed him for everything and asked for help. Jason didn’t know how to fix himself, what to do when he’s trapped here, didn’t know what to do when he dreamed so clearly. He didn’t know how to wake up.

 

“YOU DON’T! AHAHHAHAHHAHHAHA” The Joker let out a shrieking laugh, and Jason sighed, because he can’t close his eyes for some reason.

 

His pasty white face popped close in front of Jason, nose almost touching, and Jason rise up from his crouch, stepping away from the monster.

 

“I told you robin boy~~ You can’t kill me~~ I’ll always live, as long as there’re fear, as long as Batman live, I’ll live~~ No one can separate me from Batman.”

 

“I have nothing to do with him, let him go!” Jason meant his younger self.

 

“I would LOVE to but I can’t… ya see… he’ll always feel guilty over your death, and he’ll forever resent me if he knows how much you’re suffering, He’ll never forget me AHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAH.”

 

Joker escaped the warehouse, and Jason followed him.

 

“OOooooh what’s this! You’re following me?”

 

 

+++++++++++

 

 

Jason woke up in a different bed, and he jolted up, looking around with ragged breath. It’s noon outside, and the last thing he remembers was not sleeping, he was tending the mini garden, then suddenly he blacks out. It didn’t explain why he’s suddenly here, in his safe house in fucking Gotham. He felt what he wears, and chillingly, he wears his Red Hood gear, but the helmet is still in bed, and a gun on the floor.

 

Jason paced in his bedroom, he dreamed about something, or was it a reality? He… just walked out of Mbah Aliya’s house, the kids passing him through. She called for him when he walked out, and said nothing, Mbah must’ve been so worried…

 

He remembered going to his old apartment, staring at the mattress for a long time, just kneeled there, he didn’t say anything, he didn’t see her. Jason did that plenty, so why did he remember that? Is it just repeating the things he already did?

 

Then he walked deeper into crime alley, the path he remembered, he went to his safe house. Put on his gear, and then looked into the picture of him and Bruce when he’s still a robin. He didn’t remember ever putting that picture there, he owns it, but he tuck it away somewhere. Jason grabbed his helmet and then… it stopped.

 

Is that a dream? He looked for that photo. He knew he placed it deep inside the closet, inside one of his old bags that he didn’t use anymore, it’s not there.

 

In the dream, the photo is beside his nightstand.

 

Holy shit… it’s there.

 

So… it’s not a dream? Did Jason really walk around without his consciousness? He needs to make sure.

 

All his safe have untraceable phones, and Jason is relieved at least it’s still there. But who to call? Who to call… Who would still be free at this hour… Jason called Alfred.

 

“Alfred Pennyworth.” The man said.

 

“Alfred!”

 

“Sir Jason?”

 

“Wha… Did… uh…” Jason didn’t know where to start, did they even know about him? “Is Bruce home? I might need him to check on something.”

 

“No, Master Bruce is on the watchtower now, but Master Dick is here.”

 

“That’s fine, I want to talk to him.”

 

There’s some slight rumble and he hears Dick’s voice asking who’s caling.

 

“Jay? What’s up?”

 

“Can you log on to the Batcomputer, run facial recognition on me, or even on my red hood gear.”

 

He knew Dick would rise an eyebrow for that but he’s grateful that Dick is on it within the next second.

 

“It’s loading now, what happened Jay?”

 

“I don’t know, I’m in one of my safe houses in Gotham, I remembered getting here, but only after I woke up.”

 

“How… uh… how is that even possible?”

 

“That’s what I’m trying to find out Dickie, I woke up here with my Red Hood gear. When did you last see me?”

 

“Y-Your Red Hood gear… and you don’t remember anything? I… I saw you a week ago when I slept over!”

 

But that was 2 days ago in Jason’s memory. How could 5 days missing from his memory. What did he do?

 

“Hey I got some footage back. You were seen on Metropolis, then Gotham, you were wondering around crime alley. There’s no Red Hood.”

 

So he did nothing, well he hoped at least, Jason would like to remember them if he ever did anything big. Yet he didn’t understand what’s happening.

 

“Jason… what’s going on?” Dick asked, and Jason didn’t know the answer to that.

 

“Could I see the footage?”

 

“How do I even show you?

 

Oh yeah, that, he didn’t exactly own the computer.

 

“Come to my safe house Jay!”

 

Jason doesn’t have any other choices now, does he?

 

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

 

Jason saw the footage, he moves like he was dead, like a zombie, moving out of instinct. Just wondering around crime alley. Why did that happen? Jason, at loss, steps back and huffed. Is that how he looked when he digs himself out? Because it felt just like that… when he was dunked into the Lazarus pit, the memories of him walking around like a zombie resurfaced clearly, just like this.

 

But what does that mean? Why is it happening now?

 

“Jay…” Dick, who was eyeing Jason the entire time, now so close that it made Jason jerk away.

 

Dick stepped back, eyes as confused as Jason.

 

“We’ll find out what happen.” Dick said, completely down for it, but Jason shook his head.

 

“There’s no need for that.”

 

“But Jason…”

 

“I’ll find out myself.”

 

Jason turned away, walking out before Dick could stop him.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that's a start of things.


End file.
